ask a guy who likes fat chicks

dude i exist and im not on facebook :(

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:10:02 -0400

anons DEFINITELY don’t exist

ACTUALLY REBLOGGABLE FOR ONCE

Wed, 22 May 2013 21:23:07 -0400

I interviewed Mary Lambert, who sings the chorus on Macklemore’s “Same Love.” She has a new poetry collection called 500 Tips for Fat Girls.

Please kindly inform us your facebook. So that we can add you. ;]

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:43:03 -0400

no thank you ;]

Do you have a facebook? :)

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:23:17 -0400

anyone who doesn’t doesn’t exist

except jj and kady shoutout to you luddy-duddys

;) yo! just wanted to show love to your inbox! I might have to see your show coming up!!! let's invite EVERY fat girl we know!

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:55:53 -0400

aww erica ur the sweetest come to the city for memorial day wknd everyone let’s all get turnt up https://www.facebook.com/events/135405849981483/

I INTERVIEWED POET/SINGER MARY LAMBERT OF MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS' "SAME LOVE"

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:11:00 -0400

Love him or hate him, Macklemore is the breakout star of 2013 thus far, with no small help from a pro-gay marriage song called “Same Love,” which is so much better than “Thrift Shop,” not least for its gorgeously-sung contributions of Seattle poet/singer-songwriter Mary Lambert, who is gay and not thin. I spoke to her about navigating the mainstream rap world, her struggles and observations on body image, and why her current poetry collection 500 Tips for Fat Girls isn’t actually a self-help book.

How did you get hooked up with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis for “Same Love”?

I was really fortunate to be in a scene early on where I met Hollis [Wong-Wear] and she wrote the chorus to “Wings” for the album and did a lot of production work for The Heist. She is also a tour manager, so she very much has her hand in so many things, just an amazing woman who’s known for networking and getting people together. She was a big supporter of everything I was doing when I was at Cornish for music. I was sort of finding the pairing of poetry and music together. So Ben and Ryan were working on the track and I guess they were trying out a bunch of options. There were a lot of people who didn’t want to touch the song because they felt like it was gonna be too controversial…

Really?

Yeah! That’s always been my M.O. Ever since I came out I wasn’t going to pretend like I was anything else. So to have that opportunity to speak on a grand scale of equality is exactly what I have always wanted to do. And I’m still kind of shocked no one wanted to touch it. I was like, “Are you kidding me?”

Were the people who were rejecting it also gay?

Yeah. Ben and Ryan are very conscious, and they felt like they were already skirting a fine line of being two straight white dudes and they wanted to find that missing piece that would connect the gay community to them. So that was the first time my demographic really helped. [laughs]

Did you have any idea the album would be so popular?

I think we had a hunch. I was really trying not to get ahead of myself because I was just so jumped to be even on the record. I was out with my partner and she was like, “What if you go on The Ellen Show?” and I was like, “I can’t think about that, I can’t think about that!” Each step was gradual but it pretty much happened overnight. It was just a matter of pinching myself every day and being just so incredibly grateful.

Did you get to talk to Ellen at all when you did perform on her show?

Not really. That was kind of a bummer, but there was nothing that could’ve tarnished that experience, being on national television with such a massive gay icon. She liked the song and I got to be on her show; it was out of control.

And earlier this month you got to do “Same Love” on Colbert.

Colbert was amazing. It was such a huge moment for me, not just to be on a major show, but one that I watch religiously. The whole crew, and Stephen himself were like one happy family. And the show is so clever and relevant and well produced.

Your poetry collection is called 500 Tips for Fat Girls. Did anyone give you shit about that?

Um, not so much. I think it’s confusing if you don’t know me and don’t know it’s a poetry anthology, that it’s not a self-help book or an advice book. I think people probably want to grasp onto this idea that fat girls need some help and advice, when for me it’s commentary on the media and fat shame. That’s an inner struggle for sure, but I think that’s also a universal frustration for most people, who have issues with their bodies and self-image. For me, it’s because I’m a bigger girl. But I’ve also had people come up to me and say ‘I’m not gay and I’m not a woman but I share the same sort of feelings.” Everybody’s going through the same shit, everybody feels issues within themselves and their bodies. The title was just taken from one of the poems in there. Originally the book was gonna be called Songs for Dying Birds and then I decided against it. And I decided I wanted it to be something more attention-grabbing or something that’s more my M.O.

Do you think body image is the last taboo?

The what taboo?

Like the last thing people can discriminate against.

I’m going through this moment, where I’ve been having this inner pull of…people wanting to lose weight for medical reasons, and people urging other people to lose weight for their health. And then also being able to love and accept your body at the same time. I just watched this commercial, I don’t know if you’ve seen it, it’s like a larger woman talking to herself as a smaller woman and it’s after she’s lost weight. And she’s like ‘I’m so proud of you, I can’t believe that we look like this.” There’s something wrong with it and I can’t put my finger on what, but it’s confusing.

Well, the assumption that everyone who’s bigger wants to be thin, and that they’re all implicitly okay with being told to change.

Yeah, people who aren’t overweight thinking obviously everyone wants to lose it. The strange idea that everyone was to be thin, so they don’t get that it’s totally bullshit. For me I feels like I’m in a position where eating a lot better and taking better care of my body, but it’s not necessarily to be thin. I’ve never been skinny in my life. I’ve always been a bigger girl, even at my lightest weight, I still had huge thighs and they’re never going to go away. And I’m not upset about that! I’m not going to starve myself crazy because I’m going to have tree trunks because I’m cool with that. But I’m not going to eat terribly and feel like shit all the time.

When were you least happy with your body? And is now the most accepting you’ve ever been?

Hmm. I think when I was about 19. It was hard. I was in high school, I was pretty fit and I got into a car wreck. I was dancing and more active, and after my car wreck I couldn’t dance anymore, stopped being a vegetarian and I was out of high school and I was in this relationship with my girlfriend at the time. And I gained about 40 pounds and I was sooo miserable. And after she and I broke up I was in this awful, awful spiral. This is a truth for not just bigger girls, this is a truth for women in general, but the need for validation that’s sought after is like one of attraction. Validation from a partner, validation from someone thinking you’re sexy and wanting to sleep with you. I think validation from sex is gratifying for a lot of people. So for me that’s what I was like.

I was feeling really worthless, I was super depressed, and that was when I wrote the poem, “I Know Girls (Bodylove).” That was a poem for catharsis, and I knew that there were gonna be some universal truths to it, that a lot of people would be able to find truth in it. But for me it was like, I need to write this song because of what I’m going through. Now, I feel pretty confident. I wouldn’t say this is the most comfortable I’ve ever been—I’m the largest I’ve ever been right now. But it’s always been a battle. I mean I’m not feeling worthless right now and I’m not seeking validation from anybody else. I just have to laugh at the internal struggle.

Have you faced any size discrimination since being in the music industry and somewhat well-known?

I think what’s really great about living in 2013 and where we are right now is I think fat is more accepted than it has been in the last 20-30 years, more than any time I have ever known. And to have a singer like Adele come up and be so phenomenal at what she does and not to have people…they all have those fears and she’s like ‘I don’t give a shit.’ She’s got a one-of-a-kind voice. I think she really paved the way. I mean I get comments on YouTubes like ‘Yeah, she’s pretty for a plumper!’ Was that like, so necessary for you to say? I’m comfortable with my body…I know that I’m bigger but I also know that I’m super hot. Like, it’s okay. I haven’t heard any flak from any music people. I want to do intimate music video in a couple months and I want to look good for it but I’m not going to go crazy and do a fad diet or something.

What makes the video intimate?

I want to do a video that has an honest depiction of a lesbian relationship. I have never ever seen…even with Tegan and Sara, even with all of the big gay singer-songwriters I feel like there’s never been an honest depiction of a lesbian relationship. It’s always oversexualized, or it’s just like two girls holding hands or something. And I want to tell a love story. I don’t know why it’s taken this long but I want to do it.

There was that movie, what was it called, with Mark Ruffalo? The Kids Are All Right.

Yeah, but even in that movie, she cheated on her wife with a man. [laughs] I just want to see them do something that’s real.

Let’s talk about the Seattle Weekly interview, which you’ve explained to me didn’t come out the way you wanted. What stood out to me was, it didn’t really make mention of your sexual orientation, and a lot of the tropes cited from the “500 Tips for Fat Girls” poem, like turning off the lights during sex or being left for thin girls, are usually associated with men.

Mmhmm.

But lesbians are widely assumed to be more fat-friendly I think? Just to clarify, were those female partners that those things happened with? Because you never hear about that sort of thing…

People want to draw a line between heterosexuality and homosexuality as far as a relationship dynamic. The last time I dated a man was in high school, I was like 16. But he cheated on me with a super-petite girl. I think some of it is mental. Like, she broke up with me, and now she’s dating a girl that’s smaller than me. It’s probably coincidental. It’s like when you’re single and everyone is in a relationship. And when you’re in a relationship everyone that’s having fun is single. So it’s often just that mentality.

Have there been major differences in how male and female partners have treated the subject of your weight?

Oh yeah. Definitely. Women in general are just more emotionally sensitive, and know how it feels to be uncomfortable in their own body. I’m sure men have some degree of it but women get the massive fright of it.

If you feel like saying, was the partner who said you “feel better than you look” a man or a woman?

A man said that.

I just wanted to clarify that; I know it’s possible that a woman could say something like that but…I was curious.

Haha. I think especially, when I did that interview too…I’d just done this interview with the same publication that was just about gay love and I just assumed it would be in there somewhere, that was my bad for making an assumption. But also I forget that I’m gay? I tell myself I’m super normal or boring. But I’ll forget, as soon as we leave Seattle and get 20 miles outside, we’re freaks you know? I forget in publications it’s different too. Sometimes I forget to be self-conscious about it.

But that must be a good thing no?

I think it’s a good thing. I feel normal. [laughs]

Are you interested in continuing in the hip-hop world?

I love doing hip-hop, I love doing hooks. Part of me really wants to get really good at rapping secretly and then just come out with a really bomb-ass mixtape. [laughs] I don’t think that’s gonna happen, but I have a lot of things I want to do that I’ve been working on in my free time. There’s a lot of people I want to work with and I think it’ll just be a matter of time. Right now I’m really comfortable doing my own thing. I have my solo EP, I have this book, and I’m just gonna ride that out for a while. But I’m so open to collaborating. I’m doing a collaboration with a dubstep group in the next year or so.

Who’s your dream collaborator?

I would really like to do a song with Kendrick Lamar. But also my album is very quiet and pared down and if I got to do a song with Feist I would shit my pants. Feist is my favorite songwriter, I think she’s the best songwriter of the entire decade.

When you listen to rap, do you avoid things with misogyny or homophobia altogether or do you make exceptions?

As far as homophobia’s concerned? I don’t tolerate it. I think more rappers are becoming conscious about it. I think it’s going to be in the hip-hop world for a while, but I think it’s on its way out. It’s becoming something that’s not acceptable. But as far as misogyny’s concerned, it’s just in so, so much of rap. Me and this girl I work with were just talking about it, the objectification of women in rap, calling them hoes and tricks. I think there’s a time for socially conscious rap and socially conscious music and then there’s a time for just fun. And I’m sure are social repercussions for all these misogynistic undertones and the objectification of women, but sometimes the beat is so catchy. Also, there’s a different listening dynamic I think between being gay and straight.

You’ve spoken out about fat shaming before. How familiar are you with the size acceptance movement or BBW culture and “bashes”?

I’ve always been a bigger girl so I feel like if there’s any culture to be had, I would be inherently in it. I feel like I’ve always been active as a woman in trying to get other women to like each other and raise each other up rather than calling people out like “your pants are too small, you look fat in them.” I mean…I’m not sure. What was the question?

Oh I meant, more specifically, there’s events and blogs and stuff. I identify as specifically being into bigger girls. Have you had partners who identify that way as specifically into your body type?

Yeah, I am aware of it. My favorite place in the world to shop is Torrid. When I walked into Torrid after years of like, crying in dressing rooms, I walked in and had the best shopping experience of my life. And I dated a girl who, she used to hang around the Torrid because she said she liked bigger girls. [laughs]

It’s always very interesting because some people who want to date bigger girls seek them out, like my ex, but then a lot of people…I’ve been a lot of people’s first big girl they’ve dated. I don’t know much about it, I guess I don’t think too much about it. I think if I overanalyze it when someone says “I’ve never dated a girl like you before,” I don’t want to feel like a novelty. That’s stupid. But I also don’t know if I want somebody to be like…I don’t know! I don’t know how I feel about somebody just seeking me out because they’re attracted to bigger girls. I think I’d want to someone to seek me out because of my brain, but I guess then if it’s what you’re attracted to. I know I’m attracted to butchy girls. So I guess that’s fair.

For me, I wouldn’t even make a public thing of it but when people find out they make it a much bigger deal than I do.

Right, plus you have that blog.

Oh, the blog wasn’t even really a big thing until one of my editors at Village Voice saw pictures of me and my then-girlfriend on Facebook, and of our fat friends at events and wanted to interview me about the culture and such for an article. I’d actually stopped doing the blog and then there was interest after the article so I started doing it again.

Sure, yeah. I know the interview’s about me but I wanted to ask you, after reading some of the blog, people using the homosexual term like “coming out” and then talking about like “I was in the locker room talking about liking fat girls and I was ostracized,” I just thought how stupid I found it. Do you use gay lingo for that? I just don’t think it’s comfortable at all.

Some people are really offended by fat culture co-opting the gay terms, and then I’ve talked to people who think “fat” should be under the “queer” umbrella. That might be overdoing it. The main commonality is that literally every big girl I know has a story about a guy who is “closeted”—hiding her from family and friends, or secretly had a thin girlfriend or wife. And it’s definitely some kind widespread taboo that’s been sexualized, with no way of knowing just how many people are hiding that they’re into it.

Right, liking big girls is not a fetish or novelty. But also being gay and being a big girl, it’s just nothing compared to holding hands down the street and being screamed at.

Completely. And I’m not trying to compare one to the other when I say I’ve been on the street with a 400 lb. girl and watched her get screamed at. I definitely recognize the differences; obviously the stakes are lower, I’m not at risk of being murdered. But I also feel that fat discrimination isn’t taken as seriously and gets lost in the conversation because it’s not a life or death matter. It’s a weird thing.

Yeah, it’s in a weird position.

People can get fired for their weight and it’s still not considered discrimination in most states. So I don’t mean to reduce one struggle to another when I talk about that stuff, but there’s not a lot of other reference points other than the gay parallel, when trying to explain the alternate sexuality of it. So it’s weird, it’s really, really weird. I don’t know where it fits in. A lot of people do identify themselves by “fat sexuality,” believe it or not.

Oh no, I believe it. And everybody’s figuring out their identity and what’s P.C. and not.

Yeah. So feel free to shut me up if this is too nosy, but have you ever have any sexual experiences where you or your partner felt your size was like, an advantage?

Like, my body? I think I could only date someone who liked big butts and big boobs. But I think there’s a lot of people who appreciate those two lovely places.

Has anyone been weird about touching your stomach?

Usually they’re not the one that’s weird about it, I’m the one that’s weird about it. It’s not something I’m extremely self-conscious about on my body, but there’s nothing sexual about my stomach to me. It’s not an erogenous zone for me. It’s like touching someone’s armpit during sex, for me at least. But I don’t think any of my partners have ever had an issue with that.

Did anything else happen with the Seattle Weekly interview that you’d want to clear up?

The interviewer asked me about the book and I explained it’s about all these things: it’s about incest, it’s about rape, it’s about body image, it’s about being gay. So she did the whole interview and emailed back and said, “My editor still wants some of the tips.” So I said, I guess I can give you excerpts from the title poem? So I was in a weird position because that poem has some universal truths in it—“your art will save you from suicide,” “wear cute shoes.” But most of them are inner dialogue. It’s not supposed to be advice, it’s not supposed to be anything. It’s my inner dialogue of whatever experience I’m going through. I don’t want to blame…Keegan [Prosser, interviewer], who did a beautiful article for me and I think she’s a great writer. I think the editor was just looking for something, ‘oh, this a self-help book, this is an advice book’ and I feel like it wasn’t fair to pick just one poem out of the whole thing to explain what the book was about.

You also said in that piece you’d rather “fat” be referred to as “curvy” or “something extra.”

Yeah, I think when you call somebody “fat” it instantly has a stigma and a connotation to it but when you say something’s “curvy” or “voluptuous”—well, I hate the word “voluptuous” too. I like the word “curvy” and I like when people say “bigger girls.” “Fat” is just such a…it’s not even political. I think that it’s me. I know that it’s truthful and honest but I think it also has a negative connotation. I don’t like to own that word. If I want to, I can. And I think if a bigger person wants to call themselves that, do it! Own it. It’s like if a girl wants to call herself “I’m a bad bitch,” she can do it, she’s a woman. But I don’t like the word “fat,” to me it’s not empowering.

Getting back to the BBW community I mentioned earlier, there’s a surprising number of people who do use the word to self-identify now.

I get it. I’m all for those people, I’ve heard of “Fat ‘n’ Fabulous” events, more power to them. But I don’t think it’s for me. The book is called 500 Tips for Fat Girls, I can use that, I’m in that circle of women. That’s the thing, I can own “fat” when I want to but I don’t have to.

Have you ever thought about doing a “Same Love”-style song about size acceptance?

I’d love to! Plus I have that poem-song, “Bodylove.” My songs come very organically and from experience, so they come when they want to. But I’d love to write a song like that.

Mary Lambert performs at SubCulture on Bleeker St in NYC tonight at 7:30 p.m. Her website is marylambertsings.com.

if i ask u a question off anon will you please not respond publicly?

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:30:33 -0400

With the tiny amount of time I can afford to devote to this blog I’d reeeeeeeeeeeeally, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally prefer to help as many people as possible, which means public responses for others’ future reference. And I’m not a doctor if you need private consultation. If it’s anon, what’s the issue? Or do you mean “off anon” as in, not anon? Send the question over and I’ll see what I can do without printing it. I might request to anonymize it later and print it but let’s see what’s up first. I won’t print it but specify who you are.

thank you for answering that anon with such compassion and with a detailed honest answer. i thought it was really touching. and thanks for this blog.

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:26:51 -0400

totally welcome

Well, I am a fat chick, and I have kind of gotten this idea lately that I am worthless because of this. I have thought about killing myself a lot lately because I feel like people are generally disgusted when they look at me. Anyways, I wanted to know what about fat girls is attractive? I just really need a reason to not think I am a worthless sack of crap anymore.

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:02:00 -0400

Hi! Do not kill yourself. I assure you that even though there are plenty of shitty guys and judgmental people in the world, the vast majority of people you will encounter are not disgusted by you and most people have empathy and are likely even going through the same issues as you. You’re not worthless; I can say this with confidence even though you are anonymous because every human life has worth. Fat girls are unique in their beauty like anyone or anything else and not everyone can appreciate it.

Sexual attraction can’t really be explained, but lots of people like myself, including people who do not identify as fat admirers, appreciate and even seek out people with soft, rounded, cuddly bodies in their partners. And some people don’t. But there are plenty who do and the only reason you are unaware of it is because the media and patriarchal society has failed to make people aware there is more than one kind of beauty. Think about how many fat married couples you’ve seen on the street in your life, or parents or families.

Maybe fat models or celebrities are rarer, but you must have witnessed evidence of love between all body types, especially if you live in America. If not, please Google terms like “BBW” or “plus size beauty” so that you can see the physically love you will someday receive does indeed exist. In the meantime, there are other people in your life who love you, and there will be many more over time.

Please seek out a therapist to discuss your suicidal thoughts and body image issues with, because I am not a professional, and they’ve been trained to help you in ways that will go leaps and bounds beyond the answers you sought from me.

Good luck, please stay alive, and remember that you’re a beautiful person inside and out, and the world is slowly becoming a better place that will let you know that more frequently.

Oh crap, I asked you a question whether you considered me a bbw, Then I scrolled down and read your previous answers. Never mind, Have a good day! I love this place by the way :)

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:52:03 -0400

Haha yeah, I don’t expect people to read the entire long-ass archives but a lot of the time people’s questions have already been covered. I’m a pushover and usually cool to repeat myself, just been craaaaaaaaaazy busy.

why you no post no more? :(

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:14:01 -0400

I got an amazing job and I’ve been too busy for lots of things lately and the inspiration/interesting questions dried up for a little but don’t worry, I’ve got a fun surprise or two coming soon.

TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL NO DIET DAY

Mon, 06 May 2013 09:14:40 -0400

so love fatties and eat crazy

do you have a picture of yourself online?

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 09:00:18 -0400

god i hope so it’s 2013

Great advice, thank you. Actually it was my wife that jumped to the conclusion that she will get it. Her insulin levels were very high(which is a pre-diabetic symptom). The doctor said relaxed and calmly that if she does not control it with diet and exercise, it can lead to diabetes in the near future. You're right, it's her body and she must do what she wants, even if it hurts me, I will still be satisfied that she will be healthy. I'm glad I got to hear something from someone who understands

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:46:47 -0400

I genuinely know nothing nothing NOTHING about that stuff but I’d be surprised if she researched and it turned out to have more to do with her body size than the choices of food she’s putting in it, genetics or not. Diet and exercise don’t have to be mutually exclusive with losing weight either. Just stuff to know and share, support whatever she does.

Hey I was wondering, what are your thoughts on diabetes? My wife, who is 230 lbs, is on the track to getting it in a few months if she stays the same. It is genetic in her family, and she has had this happen before but controlled it, but when she was younger. Now she is going to try to control it by losing weight, her goal is 160 which is really good for her but not so much me. I am being supportive, it's just scary what will happen.

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:06:00 -0400

You love your wife, you both want her to live, be a loving husband while she puts her health first and you’ll figure out the rest later.

Alllllllllllthough I’m curious (genuinely!) how her doctor has it tracked to “a few months” that she’s going to get diabetes? Are there pre-diabetic symptoms or is it just a general warning Because She’s Fat?

Either way it’s her body and if that’s the choice she’s made, you’ll have to live with that, while it’s perfectly fine to research ways to keep insulin levels healthy on your own (or a more fat-friendly doctor if she—not you—is up for a second opinion) and show them to her in a non-pushy way for alternative routines in the possible future.

For the record I totally feel you on the boner-killer, I’ll play sympathy guy for sure but I’m sure she’s still hot (only) 70 pounds lighter. And if she’s feeling better or whatnot and you’re constantly supportive (and not pushy) maybe she’ll take your base desires into consideration and chill out at 180 or something? I’m far from a doctor but I’ve never heard of someone of usual height being at any kind of serious risk at 180 lbs.

"What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter? What if women..."

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:58:23 -0400

“What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter? What if women were the ones who started wars? What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly? What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun? What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs? What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis? What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands? What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes? What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons? What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence”? What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey”? What if you had to inhale your boss’ stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job? What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running? And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?”

- For The Men Who Still Don’t Get It, Carol Diehl (via sassysluteverforever)

Ok there's this fat girl at school I like. I know my friends would have no problem if I dated her but there's other kids at my school who are total dicks and would probably make fun of me.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 13:00:09 -0400

This is like, a metaphor for the entire world. You found the right girl, you found the right friends. Anyone else who dares stand in the way of your happiness can eat your shit.

Are all of these questions about the "caet" some kind of in-joke?

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 18:49:17 -0400

they r v v srs

Hello Daniel. As you are aware, I am a skinny caet, but if I were faet would my upper body be called my faet upper pussy area (aka fupa)? meow meow xoxo <3 vp

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 17:06:56 -0400

yes your entire body would be a pussy area because you are a CAAAET

moral of the story is, if you like fat girls don't do what i did, go for them to start with and save yourself the trouble of going into relationships with girls you don't find sexually attractive that are sure to end with a break up for various reasons.

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 06:35:02 -0400

It’s definitely a great insight but it’s not like you put yourself and those girls through that on purpose. Don’t beat yourself up, it was a learning experience. I dated progressively bigger girls who I thought were the ones for me at different times and there was zero shame motivating that. Sometimes you just like a person and you think they’re big enough, or that you can make it work. I think many of us can agree we don’t know what we want, and there’s no way to tell until you try.

But that said, no, you shouldn’t date someone you flat-out do not find sexually attractive from the start, if it can be avoided. It’s not awful to risk dating someone for their predominantly great personality, whether they’re fat or thin, but make a habit of indulging yourself in the people who turn you on. You will find someone who balances both.