Anonymous asked: I've been actively exercising and counting calories for the past four months, to LOSE weight, and I have gained 15 pounds. My fiance has made it clear that he's no longer attracted to me, because I am too fat. We're supposed to get married in 71 days. I think it would be easier to just lose the weight instead of starting my life over as a single parent (we have one 19 mo old son) but my friends keep telling me to leave him. (Not to mention the $$ invested in the wedding) What do you think?
Absolutely do not marry this man.
Please listen to what you’re saying: You’re knowingly going to marry someone who has already told you they are no longer attracted to you.
You don’t say how much you gained before the recent 15, but I’m willing to bet it’s a shockingly low amount (and at least partially pregnancy-induced) for your fiancee to have already shown his hand about what an asshole he is. Consider this a gift that you don’t have to waste your time with him any longer when so many other people only got to find out their partner felt this way after wasting years on love that was apparently that easily compromised.
At least leaving you would be sticking to his guns. Instead he’s either too cowardly of paying child support or just callous and didn’t think through the implications of the long term like so many young fuckwits who say shit like this and still think they deserve a life partner.
Your friends are right. Marry someone who values you as is and as you will be, whether the diet works or not. Do not marry him. I don’t know who put down $$ for the wedding but that’s not your problem; you are not the one who failed to uphold your end of the bargain.
I think the dude fucked up big time since you’re compelled to even ask me if you should still go through with it BUT.
If he’s really otherwise a great guy, great dad, supportive and reliable etc., is not cruel or insulting about being honestly not attracted to you anymore, and you both think an open marriage where you two can be each other’s bedrock and split the rent while getting your physical needs from more compatible partners is appealing…that is the ONLY scenario in which I would say to go through with the wedding. But that’s a lot of tests I bet he doesn’t pass.
The only other reason I’d consider saying to go through with the wedding is if anyone happens to know if you can score a bigger share of child support down the road. I don’t think you need to get married for that.
I think you’re setting yourself up for a much longer time of hurt and misery and self-doubt if you go through with this just to save money. And I know it’s hard to imagine, but it will be a lot more emotionally exhausting to re-enter the dating world then than it will be now. You can do better, and the sooner you do, you’ll be glad you didn’t wait.
As for being a single parent? Let him be your babysitter—preferably while you’re on dates with someone who appreciates you—not your husband.
EDIT: I know the Tumblr cabal below can’t wait to invite you to their annual Ex-Boyfriend Bonfire and BBQ but I’ve bolded my skeptical devil’s advocate graf because there is just a little bit more (as in your original question, which I do not believe had to do with love at all) to consider with a child in the mix.You know your finances and living situation and the quality of the child’s father better than we do. If you take marriage and maybe even the relationship off the table, are there platonic advantages to this person being in your child’s life/home? The physical attraction dealbreaker is one thing, but you know more about what’s left salvaging, if anything, from this relationship, than we do. Is a roommate who can help with the child more appealing than living alone? And no, do not marry him.
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- sewcialcaterpillar said: Marry someone who loves your soul and appreciates you inside and out. Do not let this guys narrow-mindedness define you.
- chocolatemilkandbaklava said: “I see that you gained a small amount of weight while pregnant with my child. You are now hideous to me. Please find the time, whilst raising my toddler, to exercise constantly.” Oh god, please dump him so fast.
- annegotfat said: I was engaged to a man who told me I had become too fat for him. I am not even slightly sorry that ended.
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- smashleybrookehogan said: Do not marry him!!!!
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- theycallmereikigirl said: EXCELLENT advice. Bravo.
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- piecesoflogic said: I agree. Don’t marry that guy.
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