fatdorableme asked: and it needs to stop because it is dehumanizing and can even be deadly to some people especially when it comes from the medical society. Sorry for the rant but I've been dying to get this all out. Dan, thank you for being such a wonderful vehicle for all this fat love and acceptance. Your advice is truly appreciated and enjoyed by this fatty and I hope you never stop. <3
I don’t wanna keep beating up on that person because she clearly struggles enough but yeah, basically this. Lots of women (and men) feel this way, lots don’t. The common thread is that both sides need to communicate damn fucking well and not assume that their personal sexual prerequisites are everyone’s, or the “right” way to be. While it’s great to have instinctual things that work for you, all sexual needs should be vocalized and requested and cheered on within reason. If you’re excited about getting into bed with someone, you should be excited about performing whatever dance takes them to heaven, as they should be with you. And you iron out the rest.
Re: fat love and belly attention specifically, I’ve said repeatedly of myself, I need to be objectified in bed. I get depressed if my body type isn’t clearly catering to my partner’s fantasy, I don’t like to be told I’m nice/funny/whatever when I’m getting it on. I want to be a sex object. Sex to me is about some level of body worship (on both sides) and singleminded focus. That’s completely different from many other people but it’s a legit contingent of people, just like people who get uncomfortable when too much attention is paid to a handful (ha) of body parts is another group.
I try to get that point of view but as someone whose sexual attraction is for whatever reason almost completely tied into someone’s physical attributes, I’m a hard defender of the notion that different body types can be celebrated without crossing a line or leaving anyone out. It’s just like any other kind of pride that you have no control over: gender, nationality. There is something liberating about embracing one’s identity and having it singled out for praise at the appropriate time while learning to not let that preference inform your biases or opinions when it isn’t.