Anonymous asked: so you're like a chubby chaser or...?

Did you learn that term from a Megan Trainor song?


Anonymous asked: Is it weird that craigslist has been the most successful website for me in terms of finding guys who specifically like fat women? I feel like the bbw-specific dating sites are poorly run and don't have as many users, and on okcupid it's hard to filter for FAs. I feel like craigslist has SUCH a sketchy reputation in general, though. Can we all just agree as a community that craigslist is ok when you're searching out this very specific kind of partner? Or am I the only one with craigslist hangups?

I met my best friend in the entire world from the Craigslist casual encounters section, along with a few other class acts, so I’ll definitely vouch for Craigslist. It’s certainly no worse than OKCupid or (ugh) POF, and a lot easier to game the system if you get the hang of it.


Anonymous asked: I honestly never thought that I'd find someone because of the way I look. I'm 5'10" and around 300lb. A year ago today, I met an amazing man who's become the love of my life. Last week, we went to look at engagement rings. I just wanted to let others who feel the way I did know that there are plenty of people out there who like heavy women and men. There is someone out there for you. It just might take a bit to find them :)

There ya go.


Anonymous asked: I appreciate a guy who admires a bigger woman and not in a creepy manner. A lot of the guys I've come across who enjoy bigger woman tend to freak me out. So thanks for being awesome.

Don’t get me wrong, I can outcreep anyone given full consent.


Anonymous asked: Just saw your article on the Louie episode. Feeling super invisible after reading it. I'm a real-life, 27 y/o, fat, heterosexual, woman who has never been on a date/kissed/etc. Just because FAs exist doesn't mean that every fat woman has the experience of being romantically pursued.

Every fat woman is capable of having the experience of being romantically pursued. The piece was written from an experienced person to the inexperienced, in no way was I trying to imply that there is something wrong or unusual about you for not having accumulated the 15+ years of experience that I have in navigating the fat dating community. Your experience is closer to most people’s than mine. My experience is not the usual, though it should be.

The most misunderstood thing about that piece (and I totally take responsibility for this, with a caveat for the fact I had less than 24 hours to get it up on the web—meaning I didn’t get to polish the segues from part to part and comprehensively explain why I brought certain things up as much as I’d like—that’s just How It Is) is the idea that it was a #notallmen rant. I was very happy with that Louie episode and Sarah Baker was incredible. I used it as a jumpoff point to discuss how those men do exist and that there’s a gap to be closed. Without question it is Our Own Fault as men who download fat porn or compartmentalize our true desires to the occasional weekend at a BBW bash (or fuck fat FWBs without letting our friends—or wives—know) that we are too cowardly/stupid/whatever to fight for visibility that would benefit both us and our partners. (I’m actually relieved that the episode didn’t touch FAs with a ten foot pole, as my sexuality has never in the history of televised media been played for anything but laughs or creepiness, and while I admire his efforts, Louis C.K. is far too body-negative for a representation to be safe in his hands)

I don’t view myself as anything other than a messenger because I am privy to knowledge that more fat people should have. Many people are grossed out by the idea of seeking out someone specifically physically attracted to their body type. That’s up to them. But fatophobia is so deeply embedded in our society that people (such as many of the commentors) react with flagrant disgust at the very idea of being presented with that knowledge, or in your case, taking from it that you’re being left out. You’re not. If you’re interested in finding out more about BBW culture and events and things completely designed to make you feel more visible in society, romantically and otherwise, I’m not sorry for presenting that option to you. I am sorry that my piece was worded hastily in a way that made you feel excluded. I’m interested in bridging the gaps between the enormous amount of fat-admiring straight men whom we have no other quantitative data on other than things like porn search statistics, and how different real life could be if they didn’t consign their objects of desire to the margins.


Me and the esteemed Laura Bogart talked on WNPR’s Colin McEnroe Show, mostly refuting Sarah Varney’s, um, limited new book about the “detrimental effects of obesity on intimacy.” I join in around the 36 minute mark.


Anonymous asked: what do you mean, "nope"? are you done with this blog?? :(

Nah but rock and/or rolling is significantly more appealing to me right now than being a straightish white dude arguing on the internet.


Anonymous asked: Come baaaaack :(

Nope. But this Wednesday at 1pm EST, the esteemed Laura Bogart and I will be guests on Colin McEnroe's WNPR show to realtalk some lady who wrote a “book” on “the detrimental impact of fat on sexual health and intimacy.” So there’s that!

Anyway, my band released a single and I got a smartphone.


b-e-l-i-e-v-einsomethingbetter asked: This page makes me feel so pretty and accepting of myself, so thank you for that. I really wish I could find a guy to like me for me and not for sex because I'm so over that. I guess I just need patience.

Glad to help, though to be clear, no one should have to wait for self-acceptance.


Anonymous asked: do bashes have a high ratio of men to women? i'm worried that as the idea of "fat admirers" becomes more normalized, women will start attending bashes more, while the bash male population will plateau or drop.

Wouldn’t bashes become obsolete if fat admirers became normalized? WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE BROS