asker

sad-stupid-shy asked: "This is the most bingo thing ever!" haha! that's perfect! I found that phrase extremely attractive. I totally support your blog and cause! You're doing an amazing job and I find it awesome how open you are to sharing your opinions. Keep up the great work! :))

awwwwwwwww bb <3

asker

jesuslovinfatchick asked: I really need a man, but I don't want to meet one online. It's way too awkward. I've had awful experiences. How can I tell if a guy is into fat girls? Is there a special pheromone men put off if they are into fat women? A tattoo? Does the pitch of your voice deepen? Seriously though...

jesuslovinfatchick:

askaguywholikesfatchicks:

Until it becomes society-acceptable enough that a girl over 300 pounds can get hit on by a stranger in public and not at all worry that she’s being pranked by a frat asshole, the fat dating axis has mostly relied on the internet. What was specific to the internet about why your experiences were awful?

Any guy I’ve ever met onlne has assumed that I’m (for lack of more sophisticated terms) “DTF” on the first date or as soon as they ask me out for drinks. I’m absolutely not. Especially not after just meeting somebody. It’s absolute disrespect.

Besides that, I find it cold and impersonal and overall awkward. I’d rather not if there was an alternative…but it doesn’t sound like there is.image

Also, wtf, I thought this was an anonymous ask? poop.

There is actually a simple way to help cut down this problem:

Do what you normally do, hit it off, flirt and make plans with the guy, if you like him. Then as your date is approaching (but not sooner), tell him you are absolutely not DTF and ask him if he still wants to go through with the date. You’ll have some cancellations. But the importance of waiting until the date is in stone is that you should still select guys you’re into, who can commit to meeting you in person. That is, ones who can at least make themselves look respectable enough to pass the screening, who might actually be into you enough to respect your non-DTFness and still wait.

Many people put a disclaimer in the very first conversation and this scares people off before reeling them in, not just because you won’t put out. Just because you’re laying down rules before there’s even a date, and the list of reasons someone would pick you is still too short and undeveloped for even someone open to a non-DTF person to latch onto.

But you should also put at the top and bottom (yes, repeat it) of your dating profiles that you are absolutely not DTF (don’t even list a reason as you have no need to justify this to strangers) and to not message you unless that is okay. You could even require for responders to include “I’m okay with you not being DTF” in their message to you as an acknowledgment to get it out of the way that there will be no misunderstanding, and it won’t have to come up again as you get to know each other and make plans. If someone correctly follows that protocol, respond with something like “I appreciate you acknowledging my profile” and then commence flirtation.

asker

Anonymous asked: I really want to do a strip tease for my fiancé, but I don't know of any upbeat, and not standard, songs to dance to. Any suggestions?

Off the top of my head: Elle Varner’s "Sound Proof Room," Miranda Lambert’s "Gunpowder & Lead," Sleigh Bells’ "You Don’t Get Me Twice," Garbage’s "Push It."

asker

Anonymous asked: I'm about to start a friends with benefits situation with this guy who's into big chicks like me...how should I mentally and physically prepare for this? I've never been with someone who's liked me because of my size

Just do your best to enjoy it! Give him a strict no when something really makes you feel bad or uncomfortable but otherwise try to be open-minded about the new and different experience you’re going to have. Do your best to erase doubts, not overthink, keep in mind that he has already communicated his physical interest so you don’t need to be on guard that he’s going to change his mind when he sees you have fat in a place you don’t usually show guys you have fat. Be cautious about the normal stuff and your boundaries but let yourself enjoy the agreement you two have come to, which involves you experiencing a different kind of attention to your body than you’re used to. Only do or let him do as much as you’re comfortable, and don’t forget you can always leave the possibility open to hold off on something now and try more in the future with added trust.

asker

jesuslovinfatchick asked: I really need a man, but I don't want to meet one online. It's way too awkward. I've had awful experiences. How can I tell if a guy is into fat girls? Is there a special pheromone men put off if they are into fat women? A tattoo? Does the pitch of your voice deepen? Seriously though...

Until it becomes society-acceptable enough that a girl over 300 pounds can get hit on by a stranger in public and not at all worry that she’s being pranked by a frat asshole, the fat dating axis has mostly relied on the internet. What was specific to the internet about why your experiences were awful?

asker

i-stole-the-lexx asked: Yes! I really hate being fetishized as a big girl. Seriously, I have some creepy person who messages my inbox every week demanding pictures of me. It has gotten to the point where if I see I have a message, I get nervous.

That’s terrible, you’ve tried blocking/reporting? But please don’t blame fetishes or his preference for big girls for his shitty behavior and harassment…

asker

Anonymous asked: We follow each other on Instagram, I was wondering if you were single?

asker

jennylewren asked: I really get what you're saying. Instead of people saying "I am not your fetish" or "Don't fetishize me." they should just say "Don't sexually objectify me, you do not have my consent." I have a fetish but I don't repost or reblog photos and I've only ever experienced it in consenting situations. Whenever people talk about how fetishisizing someone is bad, it makes me feel fucked up as a person. But fetishes aren't bad. Any unwanted sexual objectification is bad, fetishy or not.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

asker

Anonymous asked: Just as a side note on the "fat fetishism" post- I think the reason I've always been really uncomfortable with someone fetishising my weight, is that it is straight up objectification. A woman's body is her own- it's not an act or a game w/ roles that can be played (well, some "rolls"). You know? It's okay to be attracted to certain things, but I believe that there is a big line that could be crossed that goes from treating someone as a sexual subject to a sexual object.

Any woman of any size can be affected by objectification that isn’t consensual. ”Straight up objectification” isn’t for you—great. Many people, including yours truly, enjoy being objectified with consent. Again, it’s not the idea of “fetishism” (stoppppppppppp) or objectification that hurts people. It’s anything sexual that’s unwanted and unwelcome. Many “fat fetishists” (STOPPPPPPP) are guilty of this. As well as shitty men of all other stripes.