I'm a big girl, and very comfortable with that fact. The only time that I'm not comfortable is at some stages during sex, because there are just some things we can't do because of my size. We've worked out what we can do, and it's great. But I wouldn't mind changing things up a bit, so my question is, are there any positions you would recommend for a bigger girl and a smaller guy?
Since I’m a smaller guy and I’ve been with much bigger girls, and I’m genuinely surprised at the few instances of trouble they’ve had (on top, reverse cowgirl even, doggy’s usually my fault if it’s a second wind and my dick is droopy), I guess I’d have to ask more specifically what’s giving you trouble? Are you suuuuuure you can’t do it because of your size? It might be because of your flexibility, which can be worked on if you were to pursue that, but I’m mostly just asking if you were too embarrassed or frustrated to do all the necessary lifting and untucking and carefully slipping in?
This stuff takes patience sometimes, folks. You’d be surprised how much more you can do than you think, if you take the few extra minutes of trial-and-error to work it out. It might take a few tries during different sessions, but it’s ultimately worthwhile to add to the number of positions you can do. I’ve heard good things about propping the girl up with pillows but I haven’t done that too much myself except for getting on top or eating her out. Maybe because I’m short, dunno.
But I highly recommend spooning sex, because I love sex in the morning and I’m also particularly lazy in the morning. Don’t spoon exactly. Lay on your side and bend your ass toward the dude until you’re shaped like a (rather round) V. Then have him lay on his side as well, line it up and go in. Then bang lying down with neither of you doing much work. Ahh, that’s nice.
Cool, I can respect that. However, do you, per chance, happen to have a personal blog or something in which if someone were curious, they could get to know you, and befriend you, chat, connect, etc? Or would that be self promoting/out of line? Just curious.
I’ve been meaning to do this actually—I have four Tumblr accounts and yet I don’t really blog. But here’s my “regular” account.
Hesitant to post my Facebook here for no good reason other than generic paranoia but my Twitter’s lotsa fun.
And while we’re self-promoting, I’ve got this band.
I’m definitely not anonymous on here (my name’s Dan Weiss, stalk my SPIN reviews!) but I don’t want people to like, use my own personal life to measure whether or not my advice is worth its salt. Cuz I think it is. Usually.
Would you ever post personal details about your life; if asked?
I have before, and sometimes it’s necessary, but I’ve trying to pull back the curtain on that because as tempting as it’s been to occasionally make the blog about me and my life, it’s supposed to be about you and yours and helping others. I go back and forth on this, but ultimately I’m not here to write a memoir (not yet, anyway) and I don’t want my objective voice to appear biased.
Does being a fat admirer mean you like fat people exclusively, or does it mean you include fat people in your admiration of what's attractive/sexy/beautiful to you? I find myself to be very much attracted to fat people, and prefer them, but also find people of smaller, petite body types attractive, as well. Would I still be considered a fat admirer?
I identify as a fat admirer because it’s my primary attraction. There’s always exceptions, but it’s not usually “because” they’re smaller. So I wouldn’t include “petite” body types when I’m classifying my attractions but it still happens sometimes?
You can consider yourself whatever you want. Because liking fat bodies openly is so rare, people are more likely to classify you that way (one 165 lb. sex blogger I fucked titled her entry on me “The Chubby Chaser”) regardless of what else you like. But you sound like a fat admirer to me. Fuck anyone who says you’re not what you say you are.
It's hard to give a lot of information in an ask when there is a very short character limit.
It’s true and it sucks but it’s far more important to try and squeeze the details about you and where/how you seek out partners in there than the question we’re all too familiar with. Plus learning to write short and concise is a good exercise; Twitter’s made me a better, quicker writer, no question.
I am fat, i accept this. I am as comfortable now at my thinnest (260) as I was at my heaviest (380). While my weight has changed, the connotation of me as "disgusting" or " lazy" is still there. I am healthy and successful in life. The only men that ever want me are the ones that need to get laid. I don't want that. I have been dealing with that for so many years. How on earth do I find someone that doesn't just see me as a fetish, or some quick and lay, but sees me as a person to love entirely?
Well if you’re healthy and successful then there’s no connotation; if someone says that to you they’re a fucking dickhole whether it’s correct or not.
As far as the men, you just have to wait it out, keep looking for different angles, approaches, ways to put yourself out there, increase your odds by increasing the places, people and situations you’re looking into for dating. Ask friends (of the gender you date if possible?) for pointers on conversation, peeves, things you could be making more interesting, gauging whether a risk is a worthwhile one.
I can’t tell you much more specific stuff to hone since all I know about you is your weight*, but hone that stuff and maybe you’ll develop a better and more shrewd creep-dar that will make the few and far between good ones easier to spot?
*Guys, the more you tell me about you, the better I can tell you what you’re doing wrong. I get so many messages asking where to find a person “to love [them] entirely” but how can I advertise if I don’t know the product?
so, i've been single for about 3 years now, i honestly stopped looking due to a lack of confidence and low self esteem. i've recently started looking again, and got on some bbw sites. i'm still scared though. i have this nagging thought in my head that maybe some of those guys don't know the meaning of bbw, that maybe they're in the wrong site, or that they're just on there to poke fun. i'm teffified of being rejected. any advice you can give me? or to calm my erratic thoughts? thanks!
Yes: “looking” is one thing, but being on a site and letting them find you without thinking about it much is easier on the mind. Rejection’s a fact of life. It fucking blows. The more it happens, the less terrifying it is, I promise. Lots of guys don’t know what they’re doing on those sites, but rest assured it’s not your fault if they reject you because they “didn’t know what BBW meant.” And come on, they know what they’re doing. Just like the ones who “only” fucked a fatty because they were drunk.
Either way, the ones dumb enough to hurt you generally spell so poorly you’ll be laughing too hard to care. Just make the screening process very rigorous for yourself before committing to meet someone in person. And you should work on your self-esteem and confidence whether you actively look for someone or not.
okay so here's the deal. I'm 19, fat and no boobs (weird, but true). I've been avoiding the guy I made out with on New Years because well I was drunk when it happened. Any who I saw him yesterday and he was all touchy (both sober) and I know for a fact he doesn't date big girls. I don't know if I'm like a forbidden fruit to him or what because he was really trying hard to get my attention. I don't know what to do I never catch any guys attention and to be honest I'm not interested in him.Help?
I guess the part that I’m ready to groan at is, why do you know for a fact that he doesn’t date big girls?
I think the opportune time to ask him is next time he’s touchy and sober. Coyly: “I thought you didn’t like big girls?” Pay attention to his tone and answer. Then go back to not being interested in him.
Dan, come on... I get you're trying to be self-deprecating, but saying you're also surprised that fat chicks aren't the only chicks you can get is pretty offensive. If you want to make jokes about yourself that's fine, but leave us fatties out of it.
It’s pretty offensive that you don’t “get” the drycasm so we’ll call it even, anon.
That lengthy question below made me so nervous. I'm in a similar boat (sort of). Boyfriend is an FA, I'm bigger but not that large... he says he can be attracted to women of all sizes but I'm nervous because I know what kind of porn he used to watch (AFAIK he's not really watching porn now, but it's not a huge deal to me anyway). How do I know if he's still into me physically? He comes to me to hug and kiss and gets *ahem* aroused by my body, etc... how do you know when he's not into it anymore?
The girl in the lengthy question’s boyfriend specifically 1. stopped being intimate with her and 2. told her he was bored of physical activity with her and 3. wants to be with girls of bigger sizes. Yours said he likes women of all sizes and you didn’t say he’s stopped fucking you or is ignoring you or anything. Innocent til proven guilty, so relax. You don’t have a reason to worry. And if you were close enough to him and genuinely wanted to open up the relationship so he could experience girls bigger than you (assuming he hasn’t before), then that wouldn’t be as terrible a thing in your case. The girl in the other question has reached an absolute impossible-to-ignore wall after multiple tries to satisfy both of them.
Exactly. The sooner we find that out for ourselves, the sooner we can find the path that would honestly make us happiest. YOLO blah blah blah. It’s truly a shame that society’s slanted in a way that makes people think they can or should hide what they really want.
Wow, thank you a lot for that advice. About the virgin thing, yeah I'm sorry I wasn't more specific I am a "penis to vagina" virgin and so is he, only in that aspect. I am going to talk to him and just see where things go, I really appreciate your insight and your time to respond. It may not be what I wanted to hear, but its def something I knew but just wanted advice, again I thank you.
I hope you two work it out—if he’s not disagreeable when you sit him down, you should show him your question and my answer, honestly. It might pop a reality bubble for him, or coax out a painful admission.
If your love really is that great and you two do stay together and enjoy a successful open relationship, kudos, it’s a rare and difficult thing to sustain, many will attest. But I’m pretty firm that it sounds like more trouble than you need, having already exhausted yourself trying to please him long before marriage. You should find someone who puts you first and wants it that way. Good luck.
Please let me and my readers know what happens, as I know of countless people in your situation who need to have the same painful talk to ultimately be happier, as difficult as that seems to believe.
 know what to do. I've told him that I don't want him to feel sad or feel like he's missing something, and that he could go find someone more of his preference but he really doesn't want to, he wants to stay with me. I don't know what to do. I've asked other ppl for advice but they are rude to me and it just makes me hurt more. I just need insight from a man with his same preference, what do you think we, him, or I should do? I thank you in advance for reading this all.
I’m really sorry for your dilemma, which is a very widespread one and not often talked about. I myself though have heard about it many, MANY times, usually from the side of the fat girl whom the man is cheating with. That’s the first really bad thing I hate to tell you: when the intimacy disappears it’s a bad sign.
I don’t know that your would-be husband is cheating, but sexual urges with a strong preference don’t just disappear. He’s either getting off to fatty porn or talking to fat girls or worse. One of my closest friends has been on the other side of a relationship for years that could well, be yours. The man in her situation doesn’t feel he’s done anything wrong because he is still a virgin, but they’ve been intimate online for years. He and his girlfriend are also “waiting for marriage”. Without knowing any further details, that situation sounds identical to yours. Whether your boyfriend is cheating or not, we only know that he’s expending that energy elsewhere.
He may truly love you, or he may be staying with you out of guilt, but most likely he has compartmentalized and separated his sexual desires from what he desires in a personality and lifestyle, and he’s torn between giving up one or the other. Love is supposed to go hand-in-hand with sex, or at least an arrangement where the two unfulfilled lovers have each other’s blessing to receive the missing sexual component elsewhere. If you’re going to stay together at all, that is the best case scenario, an open relationship. There’s a small chance that his desire for you will be enhanced by the freedom you’d be allowing him, because trust and approval is a serious turn-on. But more likely, you both will need to find your sexual fulfillment from other partners.
Which brings me to your virginity. I don’t know what “intimacy” constitutes for you but unless this heartfelt three-page letter really is about making out and like, breast-grabbing, I need to spell something out for you and you need to understand that I’m not doing it to be rude. It sounds unlikely that you are virgins. Holding out on penis-to-vagina penetration is not the indicator of “virginity.” If his finger has been in your vagina, you are not virgins. If his penis has been in your mouth, or if your vagina has been in his, you are not virgins. Likewise if his penis has been in your ass. You might think it’s ridiculous that I’d have to spell out that last one, but believe it or not there are many people who only have anal sex in order to preserve their “virginity”. If one of you has penetrated the other in any way, you are not virgins.
And while that may trouble your personal beliefs, it is perfectly okay, I promise. People have sex before or outside of marriage all the time. In no way does it affect whether or not they are good people, or even devout people if religious beliefs are the reason. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. They may be the closest most beloved family member to you, but on this they would be wrong. And that’s okay. Now you know. You’re not the first or the last to have believed otherwise.
The fact that you felt compelled to write me a long letter asking for help on your sex life gives me a strong indication that you are probably not a virgin. And even if you were, the fact that you’re having “intimacy” problems so early is a huge red flag for this relationship, unless you two are very keen on the idea of an open relationship and having sex with others. Not just him: you. It’s highly unlikely that once he receives a taste of the body type he desires so badly that he will want to have sex with you regularly, if at all, based on this evidence. It’s clearly not enough for him that you want to abide his desires as is, as well-meaning as you may be.
Getting back to virginity, no matter what the actual case is with the truth of your sexual prowess (and by no means am I calling you a liar, I just don’t think you understand how many different acts constitute sex), I strongly urge you to not lose your penis-to-vagina virginity to this man. I can tell that would be a milestone for you and you deserve to share something so important to you with someone for whom your body is their absolute ideal, the one that would be equally special to them sexually, not merely someone who loves you despite the limits of their sexuality. You’ve waited this long, so you may as well wait until you find the person who will do that. That is, I don’t think you should wait at all. I think you would be making a huge mistake to marry this man, and can remain very, very beloved friends while you both look for someone who will satisfy you.
Marriage is not a solution to people’s problems, or a test. It’s intended to be nothing more than a publicly announced continuation of what people already have, know and trust. You guys are on shaky ground already—don’t dig deeper and make it harder for yourself to get out. No therapy or compromise or favors on your part will bring his desires back to the way they were at the height of your sexual relationship. It’s no one’s fault that they evolved into what he desires now, or he half-knew them already when you got together but couldn’t admit it to himself for whatever reason. But they’ve changed, and so must your relationship to prevent an endless cycle of being torn, unfulfilled and guilty at best, and resentful or deceitful at worst. Be as polite to each other as you can so as to not hurt yourselves more than necessary. But you deserve to find someone who wants what you want.
 honest with each other, so he told me that he just doesn't feel sexually attracted to me, because the big women that he likes are much, much more bigger than I am. He doesn't want to leave me over this because he says he loves me for who I am, and that one day he will find a solution to the sexual attractedness. (btw we are both virgins waiting till marriage). He hopes that if we do ever get married, he won't feel so strongly about his preference. I feel really torn apart because I don't
[1} Sigh, okay. I've been looking everywhere for help and there isn't anywhere to turn, but I found this blog, I really really hope you can give me some advice. I've been with my bf for 2 years. We both love eachother very much. Well, he told me in the first couple of months that we were dating that he likes "big women." I thought it was fine, i'm 5'8 and weigh around 160. Anyways, we would get intimate, a lot. But after a while, he never wanted to get intimate anymore. We are very honest with
EDIT: Somehow this part of the question didn’t post originally.
just a random thought, I have encountered many FA's that are looking for girls who are happy with their bodies, confident in their skin, and enjoy being fat. If they can ask that of us then it's a fair trade to expect them to be open about liking us right? Why expect us to love our bodies and love being fat when your closeted status makes it something to be ashamed of?
'xactly. Goes against the very principle. And if I can be old-fashioned radio host dickhead guy for a second, what happened to uh, defending your girl's honor? For the record, none of my hometown male friends are into fat girls and I've asked them straight up what they think of closeted dudes and they think it's beyond stupid to hide the girls you like. You take the jokes like a man, joke back, get indignant when necessary if someone's being a truly tasteless asshole. You nicely tell your parents that your ideal girl may not be theirs and that it's not up for debate and that's just the world they're going to have to deal with no matter who you date. You give your partner a reason to be confident, not that they shouldn’t strive for it for themselves anyway. But you back him or her the fuck up because uh, it’s your partner?
If you’ve got a truly impervious sense of humor toward anonymous misogyny and trolls, the infamous BBW-Chan was crookedly designed for such purposes. Unlike the other places I mentioned though, the mods won’t protect you from negative feedback so I strongly recommended sticking to the more regulated ones above unless you’re supremely desensitized. And it wouldn’t hurt to develop a thick skin and fucked up sense of humor in general as you begin spreading pics of your ass around the web.
So, there is this guy at my job who turns me on like crazy but I am way too shy to approach him. Also, every girl that I have seen him with has been really skinny and pretty and I feel like, no matter how pretty I am, the skinny thing will be a deal breaker. And it is REALLY hard to look nice at work because we have to wear hairnets and I am constantly covered in pureed vegetables. All I really want is a one nighter and maybe a date, but I dunno how to go about it...
You ever heard the cliche “We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take?” The worst that can happen by hitting on him is you’re back in the same position you’re in now. (Normally I’d say hitting on someone at work can be ehhh, but it doesn’t sound like you’re planning to wear hairnets and pureed veggies forever right?)
But let’s go about this right. First, can you (ask to) add him on Facebook? If you’ve got more attractively-attired pics of yourself there and start chatting him up during off hours, that’s a start. Then try to hang out once you’ve established an outside-work relationship? Pay attention to signs of resistance so you don’t end up hurting yourself. And just let things play out from there? I feel like a one-nighter can’t be too far out of the realm of possibility if you start hanging out or barhopping together enough—non-FAs have one-nighters with our team all the time.
But at the very least this’ll be a good real-world experience for gauging positive/negative signs, not putting yourself in the position to be rejected outright, and maybe building some confidence and strategy for future hit-ons.
Re: the commenter who called you sexist. I don't see that. How can you be sexist you like women as people? You got your girlfriend for a reason!
Lots of sexists have girlfriends.
I don’t think I’m sexist but it’s hard to craft a blog around discussing physical objectification from a CIS male perspective, striving toward “normalization” while rejecting the very idea of “normal” as necessary to justify one’s existence, without walking a very thin line and pissing some people off.
I would like to say; I'm a fat chick, classified as morbidly obese for my entire adult life, who has never, ever had a lack of interested potential partners. As someone who is into all sorts of body types, I've had people all over a wide spectrum sizes. It's not really that hard to find people, people with whom you find mutual attraction, if you show confidence in yourself and have a good attitude towards life. You just need to be willing to take the lead, sometimes.
I was always an "in the closet" fat chick. I have always been fat, fat is visible, but I never EVER talked about it. I'm 28, and a few years ago I finally accepted the fact that I am fat. Now I have a tall, handsome guy who loves me. We play with my belly fat during sex, we go on double dates with his friends, and I'm even going on vacation with his family. He finds me to be the sexiest girl in the world. Yeah, society can make being fat suck. But it sucks a lot more when you won't embrace it
People with stories like you give more credence to the “normality” of my preference than anything I could ever pull out of my ass here.
But it’s the truth: lots of fat people snag not-fat partners and their relationships turn out great all the time. And not just because they have great personalities or no preferred body type. The rarity is hearing it talked about, in the media or otherwise. So keep these coming.
I am pretty, I know that. BUT...I am a big girl with a small bust. I don't need a bra, kind of small, but whatever. I'm still damned hot. So, would a guy who likes fat chicks still be attracted to a fat chick without the big and bouncy bubbles? Is it the bust size that most attracts a Fat Admirer? 5'5" and 237 pounds. Any thoughts? I appreciate your appreciation.
Not in the slightest; fat attracts the fat admirer. (And personality sometimes).
One of the cool things about being into curves (and rolls) everywhere is that one small area makes a big area look bigger. So it’s kind of win-win all the time. Also I’ve known far more self-identified ass and belly men than breast men in the FA community, though I think breast men don’t necessarily identify as FAs, as they may use their preferences for huge boobs to gloss over (“justify”) the fact that those are often attached to bigger-waisted girls. And don’t underestimate the importance of you yourself thinking you’re hot.
I'm 15, male, and a rather serious person. I also like fat chicks, which I've known since puberty. My problem, which I'd like to ask, is if you have any advise on how to deal with a family [mine] that is what I'd call "fat phobic"? "I'd just kill myself if I ever got that fat", "Oh look at that pig.", "She shouldn't be wearing that", are all common things I hear every day. I've already told them I like fat chicks, and am baffled by their continuing to do this. Should I simply ignore my family?
I’m afraid that’s the only choice for now dude, and I have to say your courage is incredible to be upfront to your family about a sexual preference at your young-ass age. I wasn’t ready to blurt it out myself until 18 or so.
On the bright side, you’ve got a far earlier start on developing a thick skin and dating your kind of ladies the right way than most. I don’t know how your relations with your family are most of the time, but it’s worth telling them it’s disrespectful once in a while when it particularly irks you, and ignoring it the rest of the time as an exercise in restraint.
Save the true vitriol for if and when they ever say something about or (hopefully not) to a girl you bring home. That’s when you bring out the “respect me and the girl I am dating by keeping nasty remarks to yourselves” big guns.
And if they’re really that bad all the time, do your best over the next few years to develop the connections necessary to make an easy transition into an apartment or college dorm the second you can get the fuck out. Invest your mental energy in keeping your friendships tight if those are the supportive people in your life. Just don’t let any of it get you down on yourself. Good luck.
Hi, I love your blog! I am about 5 feet tall and 220 - 240 lbs. With my active lifestyle, a good bit of it is muscle so I may look lighter than I am. I am still a big girl and I like being called fat or even playfully teased about my weight but I never attract guys like that. My fatter friends find guys that genuinely like them and their weight but I am very happy with my body currently. This is where I am confident. Will I have to bite the weight gain bullet if I want to find a guy like that?
No way, keep the body you’re very happy with and wait it out for the guy who digs it. My ex has a fair amount of muscle in her thighs and I didn’t realize I dug it until I dug it.