I wish this blog was updated more often. I wish people would come up with a bunch of new and interesting questions to ask you. I wish the magiclistofguys contained more guys in my area. And I really wish you'd get rid of those X's. Please.
Awwwwwwwww, auuuuuuuuuuuuuugh, I’ve been super busy the last few weeks. Ton of crazy shit happening right now. My inbox is actually stuffed with really good questions that I haven’t been able to give the time they deserve—for the first time in this blog’s history I’ve got saved drafts filed on my hard drive. Updates may or may not be sporadic through April, but I absolutely promise when I get settled in this Spring I’ll be going back to my wiseass frequent-answering, no-life-having self that y’all loves so much.
And I proooomise to do something about the ugly Xs once I figure out a better way to deal with this ALMOST PERFECT layout’s awful inability to stick in line breaks.
For the girl who was asking about birth control options, she should ask her doctor about progesterone only pill options. I go to Planned Parenthood for my pill, and usually get a "lose weight" suggestion, but they still prescribe me progesterone only. The only catch is that I have to take it at the same time every single day, the regular dual hormone pill allows some fudging on time, progesterone only has no room for error. There is also no "placebo week", it's continuous hormone.
Thanks! I was hoping someone more knowledgeable than me would grab that one.
Just adding my two cents, but I find it so amusing that guys who like fat chicks bitching about cellulite and wantnot when the majority of women have it in some form. My size 6 best friend has more cellulite on her ass and thighs than I do on mine and I'm a size 16! The grass is always greener, I suppose.
Behold the impossible standards of a male-dominated society intended to oppress women.
I've read a lot of guys in forums complain about things like stretch marks, discoloration on the inner thighs, and cellulite on fat women. What, if any, are your thoughts on that? I feel like it kind of comes with the territory and for the most part, very few fat women don't have those things and you can't really cherry-pick that way. They go hand in hand. I don't know, it just bugs me.
You’re not alone in your disgust. Mostly because half these dudes really do suck it up and don’t have a problem, but spew that gynophobic bullshit under the anonymity of webforums. Then girls read it and get insecure. Pay no mind to it. It’s the dudes’ way of distancing themselves from (not actually) having to defend the peculiarities that come with the preference they’re ashamed of. They think by establishing a line in the sand that they’re only in it for the ass and titties and bellies that they’re still down with the non-FAs they so badly wish they were because they mock the blemishes that sometimes come with it on the side. Dudes trying to meet each other halfway by trashing women’s bodies is pathetic, and even more so when there’s no reason to believe they have much experience with the female anatomy in the first place.
I am so sick and effing tired of people telling fat girls that our “confidence” is sexy. You wanna know what’s fucking sexy? MY ASS! Wanna know what else is sexy? MY THIGHS! How about this, MY FUCKING BELLY! It’s sexy that I can take your fist in 30 seconds. It’s sexy that you can hold handfuls of me at a time. It’s sexy that my skin raises up in welts that suit my roundness when you smack me.
People’s heads whip when I walk down the street, and it’s not my confidence that they’re thinking about fucking. It’s my body.
Don’t tell me that I’m hot because I’m comfortable in my skin. Don’t tell me that I’m hot because I have a pretty face. Don’t tell me that I’m hot because I’ve done so much work to love myself. It’s a cop-out.
Confidence is sexy.
But so is a nice rack.
I've been reading through these questions and I've noticed some people referring to a fat person's "health." This is totally crazy. When I became Anorexic people congratulated/complimented me for getting the weight off. People don't truly CARE about how you lose the weight to attain this image of "healthy living." They want it off because being fat is almost taboo. Has absolutely nothing to do with someone's health, and everything to do with society and its piss poor standards of beauty.
I mean, many people care. But yes, many don’t and hide behind “health” as a justification to give fatties all the unwanted “advice” they can eat.
my boyfriend is a short skinny FA too (he actually looks kinda like you). I used to worry that we looked silly next to each other (I'm only a 14 but still pretty self conscious and about twice as wide as him). but fuck that shit! thanks to you i've realized that we're just really badass and awesome together.
Ridiculous. Do you think football players get self-conscious about the tiny cheerleader they are railing? Own that shit, bang that stick.
Is it understandable to be skeptical when a guy hits on me? I've seen too many of my friends (with bodies like mine) be taken advantage of because some guys pick out big girls as easy targets due to low self esteem.
Of course! Guard yourself but at the same time, take the chances. Worst case scenario he’s a jerk but you should really take the risk and find out if he’s hot for you. If he’s not it’ll help you toughen up in the process and develop your flirting skills at least. As long as you don’t lead yourself to believe that a total stranger if going to wife you up in one weekend you’re fine.
I'm engaged to a great guy but one problem is that he doesn't compliment me on my looks unless it's sexual... I think I'm not really good looking but I mean, he should think so, right? I've told him I would like him to compliment me but he just gets mad... any advice? should I just get more confident in myself and act like I'm the sh!t and hope it rubs off on him? sorry this is long!
Long compared to your engagement maybe! I sincerely hope he’s getting mad because you’re nagging him rather than because he’s a huge asshole. This is tough territory to navigate; he’s peeved to have one of his shortcoming as a partner pointed out, but you’re embarrassed to have to ask for it. But his problem doesn’t hold water; if he wanted it to go away (not to mention to please his fiancee!), he’d have started slipping in a few sweet nothings by now.
I’m not sure what good a sit-down would do in terms of being reciprocated like you wish, but at the very least you have to have a serious conversation with him where you let him know that he’s perfectly capable of praising you in a sexual capacity—so why not when he’s dick’s soft too? Tell him that you know he doesn’t intend to hurt your feelings but it makes you feel used and like he only has you around for one thing. Be gentle about it and try to get the point across that it’s far too early in your relationship to have to ask for this kind of affection and you’re worried for your pending marriage about feeling even more neglected.
You should definitely get more confident in yourself no matter what, possibly confident enough to question his greatness and wonder if you couldn’t find greater?
Where did you find the courage to come out of the, "I like fat chicks"closet? How did your friends and family react to it? Were there any obvious changes in the behavior from the people you surround yourself with?
Covered the introductory stuff in my Hairpin pieces from a year ago, which I haven’t shilled in a minute. The only obvious change is now when someone makes a fat joke they sometimes quickly go “sorry!” Even though they know I’m pretty cool with fat jokes; it’s hard to offend me in general. If someone was visibly treating a fat person or my girlfriend or one of my fat friends like shit that would be different. Only one friend of a friend reacted like an all-out dickhead, and it was a pretty quick incident.
I swear this page totally made me open up about my weight. I've always thought it was a taboo to be a thicker female but now I realize that I can totally be seen as beautiful even with a few extra pounds on my waist line. This blog has my thumbs up and its awesome to know that this skinny dude who likes fat chicks is a fellow New Yorker. Love love love this blog <3
I only lived in NYC for two years but I promise I wish it was longer. Thank you!
I'm roughly 5'3" and I fluctuate between the 190s and early 200s. And most of the time, I don't have a problem with my weight and actually don't mind being fat. I just wish I was fat in a different way. Like a bigger butt and bigger thighs. It sounds backwards, but I've resorted to losing weight to achieve some form of that look and the smaller I get, the fonder I grow of my lumpy belly rolls and floppy boobs. Basically, I'm lost and don't know what to do. Any ideas?
Exercising is the only way I know of to change one’s shape; people do squats to gain butt mass, etc. Look up exercises that increase your butt and thigh muscles, do them for a while, then stop and let yourself go. Voila, new fat. But other than that you can’t really do much without buying some of those awfully leaky butt implants. I think you should maintain the shape you’re most fond of.
Ok so u prolly get questions like this daily. Humor me for a sec? Ok so I'm a girl. Other girls & tons of old ladies tell me I'm pretty. So I gather I'm not too hard to look at...right? Well there's this guy friend of mine, who constantly flirts w/me & is kinda hot. If I didn't know better I'd think he were into me. But I'm also super curvy and he's a small guy. Very much into "healthy living." & it never goes further than blatant flirtation. D'you think this fool is into me or not?
Really, you’d know better than I would. Take a chance and find out. At worst you’re in the same place you’re in now. And you’d be surprised how many dudes into that “healthy living” shit would want to fuck every super curvy inch of you.
Online dating hasn't worked for me over the past 12 months, and I can't travel (at least right now) any suggestions on how to meet people? Living in the middle of nowhere sucks ass.
I don’t know enough about your situation. What websites are you using for online dating? Are they fat-friendly/centric? What does “hasn’t worked” mean—dating douchebags or no dates at all? FAs in your area that didn’t work out or no FAs at all? Have you tried all the social networks linked to on the left?
If you can’t travel and you live in the middle of nowhere, are there good old fashioned bars there? Any community events, singles dances, speed dating? Have any friends/are they fat/how do they deal/if not fat, are they good at dating themselves/can they help set you up?
Since discovering your blog, the notion that "fat is hot" has really seeped into my brain. Last night my mom was watching Biggest Loser, and it showed the fat contestants in bare-bellied outfits. Ordinarily I would have averted my eyes in embarrassment or something (because that's what my belly looks like). But last night my first reaction was "Wow, pretty!" So, yeah. I know you hear this a lot, but please never stop doing this. It's just really, really nice to suddenly love my own body. Thanks.
Aw, I feel bad that you didn’t feel this way until discovering my blog but that is indeed what it’s there for so I’m happy to expedite the body-loving.
i am a girl with a girlfriend who would probably be deemed overweight by most people. i think her body is so sexy and i would love seeing her relax and be happy with it too. she always worries about her size and says she wants to diet although she never really has. is it wrong for me to express my love of her extra fat (i don't refer to it as that)? or should i try to forget my love of big girls and encourage her to lose weight?
It’s not wrong and it’s actually pretty right for you to help desensitize her to it. “Fat” is actually the term you should use—“overweight” implies a standard that isn’t there. Fat is fat. It’s her fat you play with and squeeze, her fat that she’s insecure about. Show her some pro-fat lit/politics/porn/blogs/Tumblrs. Adipositivity's a good start, particularly the couples shots. Let her know that you participate in these things and you encourage her to be part of a movement/community of fellow people in her position who aren't ashamed of their bodies. She doesn't have to though, just let her know this stuff exists and you're not just being a wonderful partner. Then it's up to her how involved she wants to be in it, if at all. Also, you can encourage her to be healthy without encouraging her to lose weight.
One ex had me rather perplexed. When I went out with her she was a larger lady. A few years later I ran into her and she'd lost a lot of weight. What was weird is it was like looking and talking to a stranger. This new thinner version just wasn't 'her' anymore, at least not the same lady I once dated. Yet all her interests were the same. I've had other exes lose or gain weight when meeting them later but this is the first time I ever thought this.
I know how you feel. People get offended when it’s talked about I guess, but it’s not an inherently good or bad thing, it’s just weird when someone’s appearance is drastically different, and even when you’re incredibly well-behaved (as you should be) and don’t make them feel bad about it (as you shouldn’t), it’s still guilt-inducing to feel that way and it’s hard to know who to articulate that to. A therapist I suppose. Or me.
Anyway, a lot of our identities for better or worse have taken up shelter in our physical appearance and that can often our peers feel betrayed or lonely when we no longer have that in common with them. And I guess some create the feeling more than others. People change, it’s a bitch.
Wow... just finished reading all 35 pages (plus a lot of the links). Took me a couple of days but I made it. Not sure if I am an FA or not but I like what you have to say. I've dated ladies of all sizes (my current partner and mother of my kids was a little on the larger side when we met and is a little bigger now - not that it matters). (continued next question)