I swear this page totally made me open up about my weight. I've always thought it was a taboo to be a thicker female but now I realize that I can totally be seen as beautiful even with a few extra pounds on my waist line. This blog has my thumbs up and its awesome to know that this skinny dude who likes fat chicks is a fellow New Yorker. Love love love this blog <3
I only lived in NYC for two years but I promise I wish it was longer. Thank you!
I'm roughly 5'3" and I fluctuate between the 190s and early 200s. And most of the time, I don't have a problem with my weight and actually don't mind being fat. I just wish I was fat in a different way. Like a bigger butt and bigger thighs. It sounds backwards, but I've resorted to losing weight to achieve some form of that look and the smaller I get, the fonder I grow of my lumpy belly rolls and floppy boobs. Basically, I'm lost and don't know what to do. Any ideas?
Exercising is the only way I know of to change one’s shape; people do squats to gain butt mass, etc. Look up exercises that increase your butt and thigh muscles, do them for a while, then stop and let yourself go. Voila, new fat. But other than that you can’t really do much without buying some of those awfully leaky butt implants. I think you should maintain the shape you’re most fond of.
Ok so u prolly get questions like this daily. Humor me for a sec? Ok so I'm a girl. Other girls & tons of old ladies tell me I'm pretty. So I gather I'm not too hard to look at...right? Well there's this guy friend of mine, who constantly flirts w/me & is kinda hot. If I didn't know better I'd think he were into me. But I'm also super curvy and he's a small guy. Very much into "healthy living." & it never goes further than blatant flirtation. D'you think this fool is into me or not?
Really, you’d know better than I would. Take a chance and find out. At worst you’re in the same place you’re in now. And you’d be surprised how many dudes into that “healthy living” shit would want to fuck every super curvy inch of you.
Online dating hasn't worked for me over the past 12 months, and I can't travel (at least right now) any suggestions on how to meet people? Living in the middle of nowhere sucks ass.
I don’t know enough about your situation. What websites are you using for online dating? Are they fat-friendly/centric? What does “hasn’t worked” mean—dating douchebags or no dates at all? FAs in your area that didn’t work out or no FAs at all? Have you tried all the social networks linked to on the left?
If you can’t travel and you live in the middle of nowhere, are there good old fashioned bars there? Any community events, singles dances, speed dating? Have any friends/are they fat/how do they deal/if not fat, are they good at dating themselves/can they help set you up?
Since discovering your blog, the notion that "fat is hot" has really seeped into my brain. Last night my mom was watching Biggest Loser, and it showed the fat contestants in bare-bellied outfits. Ordinarily I would have averted my eyes in embarrassment or something (because that's what my belly looks like). But last night my first reaction was "Wow, pretty!" So, yeah. I know you hear this a lot, but please never stop doing this. It's just really, really nice to suddenly love my own body. Thanks.
Aw, I feel bad that you didn’t feel this way until discovering my blog but that is indeed what it’s there for so I’m happy to expedite the body-loving.
i am a girl with a girlfriend who would probably be deemed overweight by most people. i think her body is so sexy and i would love seeing her relax and be happy with it too. she always worries about her size and says she wants to diet although she never really has. is it wrong for me to express my love of her extra fat (i don't refer to it as that)? or should i try to forget my love of big girls and encourage her to lose weight?
It’s not wrong and it’s actually pretty right for you to help desensitize her to it. “Fat” is actually the term you should use—“overweight” implies a standard that isn’t there. Fat is fat. It’s her fat you play with and squeeze, her fat that she’s insecure about. Show her some pro-fat lit/politics/porn/blogs/Tumblrs. Adipositivity's a good start, particularly the couples shots. Let her know that you participate in these things and you encourage her to be part of a movement/community of fellow people in her position who aren't ashamed of their bodies. She doesn't have to though, just let her know this stuff exists and you're not just being a wonderful partner. Then it's up to her how involved she wants to be in it, if at all. Also, you can encourage her to be healthy without encouraging her to lose weight.
One ex had me rather perplexed. When I went out with her she was a larger lady. A few years later I ran into her and she'd lost a lot of weight. What was weird is it was like looking and talking to a stranger. This new thinner version just wasn't 'her' anymore, at least not the same lady I once dated. Yet all her interests were the same. I've had other exes lose or gain weight when meeting them later but this is the first time I ever thought this.
I know how you feel. People get offended when it’s talked about I guess, but it’s not an inherently good or bad thing, it’s just weird when someone’s appearance is drastically different, and even when you’re incredibly well-behaved (as you should be) and don’t make them feel bad about it (as you shouldn’t), it’s still guilt-inducing to feel that way and it’s hard to know who to articulate that to. A therapist I suppose. Or me.
Anyway, a lot of our identities for better or worse have taken up shelter in our physical appearance and that can often our peers feel betrayed or lonely when we no longer have that in common with them. And I guess some create the feeling more than others. People change, it’s a bitch.
Wow... just finished reading all 35 pages (plus a lot of the links). Took me a couple of days but I made it. Not sure if I am an FA or not but I like what you have to say. I've dated ladies of all sizes (my current partner and mother of my kids was a little on the larger side when we met and is a little bigger now - not that it matters). (continued next question)
Compile a definitive list of BBW dating websites/chats/social networks and link me when your glorious unpaid work is finished? I would very much like to be able to not have to suggest the same places off the top of my head every time and I do not think I’m very helpful with that anyway.
If someone does the gruntwork of compiling a comprehensive list of links, I promise to write little guides for each, possibly with a committee of females to comment/rate them on effective meetingness.
EDIT: send to askaguywholikesfatchicks at gmail, with a name I can credit.
Okay I'm a woman in my 20's and I go back and forth between 230 and 240. I don't know if its just the area I live in or what but the only guys that seem to get interested are either old enough to be my dad (or older sometimes) or looking for a quick lay because I'm fat (I really did have a guy say that to me after I turned him down). I know I'm still young but sometimes I think I'm better off alone. I guess I'm wondering if you have advice about places online or something to look for a guy.
My only advice is to not give up, just put an active search on the backburner for now while looking for new avenues to meet guys. And there’s always the magic list.
I've been constantly (two months now) IM-ing with this guy I met on FF. He has a couple of photos on his profile but he never Skyped with me. He always has an excuse to not show his face on cam. I have no idea if he's legit or what. Lately I've been getting messages on FF that this guy is a liar and a posing as someone he's not. Should I burn the bridge? I have plans of seeing him IRL, he doesn't.
You have plans to see you, he doesn’t have plans to see you. Typing that out must have answered it for you.
On top of that, random people are going out of their way to tell you he’s bad news. I don’t normally endorse letting others make your dating decisions for you, but short of giving him one last chance to prove them wrong (I’m surprised he didn’t just tell you he doesn’t have cam), ditch this piece.
2. , sarcastically saying that he was the worst guy for being honest with me and how I hate him. I told him I didn't hate him, but I was really disappointed. I guess I hadn't had something that is such a skated over so often thrown in my face before. In a way it was good to see and hear it point blank and I'm not so much worse for the wear. I don't want someone so afraid anyway.
Yeah, guy’s an unquestionable piece of shit who didn’t care about your feelings at all, not to mention knows nothing of honesty. Too bad you didn’t fuck him and take a picture.
Speaking of which: can you start doing that, ladies?
1. I was once chatting with a guy on okcupid. We were getting along fairly well and spoke about meeting. Eventually the conversation turned to sex(as it does) and the guy seemed totally into me, and I him. At the time though, I wasn't looking for any kind of hook up or no strings attached deal, and I told him as much. Long story short, he told me that we couldn't date because we, 'didn't fit in appearance.' We didn't 'match' bodies wise. That shit hurt, I'll be honest. He then played the victim
HOLY SHIT! As if you couldn't get any better...you're wearing the same The Xx shirt that I own in your "Health At Every Size" ad!!!! You have no idea how excited this makes me. You're truly a god amongst mere mortals! BTW, were you at the Jonathan Toubin benefit at the Brooklyn Bowl last December? Thought I might have seen you there.
I don’t know who that is but I do love my XX shirt.
Some men love fat women. Now that’s a relief, but I’d have to add that it is hard to come across one. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you don’t. “I like you but…” I dread hearing those words… And I’ve heard it all before. To some men, appearance is a factor and I’ve had my share of meeting men with “preferences.” The thing is, guys who likes fat chicks are hard to come by. Don't you think so?
This wouldn’t be a blog if there were lots of us to ask. Hell, you wouldn’t need to ask.
But I really do believe the majority of us are in the closet or repressed. Just about every fat woman I know has been approached cold on the street, or been talked up by someone who turned out to have a (usually thinner) wife or girlfriend, or received a lewd solicitation on Facebook, or some kind of weird offer or another. I’ve heard believable celebrity rumors too.
Do you think guys who like fat chicks are less confident in actually approaching women? I think one of the reasons that some fat girls don't feel secure in themselves, and this goes for myself, is that we never get spoken to or flirted with openly by men.
I do. The average fat admirer (prove me wrong, shitheads) tends to approach women via the internet and some disappoint in person. Since most confident social manipulators—er, I mean pickup artists—tend to go after status symbols of mainstream society, they don’t often waste the development of such talents on proles like you and me. Though it is always funny to see them crawl out of the closet and do their thing, sometimes on the assumption that it’s easier.
Why does everyone decide that if you're fat, you obviously stuff your face with Twinkies and McDonalds five times a day? I hate the assumptions that being fat means you eat more than anyone else.
If this isn’t the oldest question in the book, it’s close. Life is unfair, people are jerks and fat remains such an unstudied bias that some of the most otherwise intelligent people I know say kindergarten-level things about it. Even the fat people I know who do eat more than everyone else tend to have finer tastes than Twinkies or McDonalds.
Hi! You recommend reverse cowgirl as a good position. As a tall fat chick, I'm wondering about the logistics of this. Does the girl crouch down? Or be on her knees? Does the guy do most of the work from below? Sorry to sound silly, but I've always been scared to try it out of fear or my legs getting too tired too quickly. Thank you! Love your blog!
Since I’ve never been tall, fat or a chick in my entire life, all I know is to get over your fear and try it out until something works. It may not, you might giggle or groan a little. But trying things you want to do in bed is better than not and always wondering how it might feel.
I’ve typically held my partner up a little and done some of the work from below, just like with regular girl-on-top.
my boyfriend likes bbw (and i'm not one), he often chats to people on sites and has recently started skyping some. Sometimes he hides it, i've tried to be understanding, embrace it, bring into our sex life and be a good girlfriend. He likes the element of secrets but also feels ashamed and guilty. What more can i do?
Jesus, I think you’ve done a fucking lot. He’s Skyping with other girls and feels ashamed—you’re kidding. You sound like the girlfriend of the fucking year.
Trying to parse that secrets thing…is your relationship open? Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I’ve been in his shoes. Discovering that he likes fat girls, on the fence about how much he needs to be with one or experience that aspect of his sexuality, and especially the guilt and shame of whether he wants to deal with the heartbreak of losing the one he loves over what feels like some stupid sex glitch. But short of gaining weight yourself (not an immoral request, though he’s the one exploring his sexuality, not you) the only thing left for you to do is do for yourself. Prepare yourself for the inevitable, that your boyfriend’s probably working up the courage to become free to look for the fat girl of his dreams. Be there for him, be friends, maybe if you have the stomach for it see about an open relationship or bringing a third, bigger partner into the bedroom. That’s if you really want to be with him. You’ve already been more than a good enough girlfriend and should do for yourself at this point, which might mean finding someone more attentive to you and your body type.
Apologies if I sound cynical but there’s no doubt in my mind you’re looking out for him far more than he is for you. Which whatever, maybe that’s what he needs to do right now as he figures out what he wants. But what about you?
Just wanted to say happy belated valentine's day, and thank you for putting the issue of cheating in perspective for me (like, two weeks ago). =) I'm glad you have this site and I enjoy reading all your witty answers! Guess I'll put this here so it looks like a question: ?
Who are some thin women you find attractive? im just curious what your "type" is outside of fat women since I seem to remember you saying you did find some thinner women attractive.
I don’t even have a “type” really, I know what I like when I see it at this point.
I think I usually go for distinctive looks—plain-and-pretty girls who don’t stand out to me so I’m usually more into someone with strikingly unconventional features. I also have a big weakness for goths, punks, colored hair, tattoos. So those help on thin girls. As do radical curves. And I’m not proud of this but I’m rarely attracted to very short-haired women, thin or fat. But I’ve seen girls who don’t fit any of these criteria that are cute too.
If I'm less than 200 lbs, am I wrong to try to fit into this culture? I'm not exactly fitting into the mainstream one, but reading a lot of these posts, I feel like I'm just as unattractive to FAs as skinny admirers. (I could seriously see this ask coming off the wrong way and you coming up with some delightfully witty jackass response, but just know that I'm being very sincere and it's not easy.)
Nah, I don’t think you’re fishing. The “mid-sized” girls tend to fall between the cracks—at least vocally, it seems like that. Mostly because y’all aren’t as like, flat-out disenfranchised as the 400 lb. chicks in the dating world. You’re in a moderate zone physically hence the moderate attention. Don’t be fooled by the fact people aren’t shouting their love of 180 lb. chicks from the rooftops (although they are actually—ever Googled guys into “thick” girls? Curvage is also full of dudes into your type). You get the best of both worlds: plenty of FAs will date a girl under 200 as well as plenty of non-FAs. Your demographic’s just not necessarily the type to take a STANCE on it.
I see many arguments suggesting women with large breasts are "required" to wear bras. It's up to each individual, however society seems to frown upon letting your chariots swing low even if you wear layers and are tasteful. In your opinion is it socially acceptable for those above a B or C to swing free?
"In your opinion is it socially acceptable" is a paradox because my opinion’s not grounded in social acceptability. I think society’s set up in a very unfortunate way for women in that they have to restrict their bodies in unreasonable ways to get a job among other things. Jobs are scarce and if you need to wear a bra to stay paid you should. Whatever you do on your own time is your business and should stay that way.
But if you have huge boobs and you’re letting them swing free you should also be mindful of the social norms you’re choosing not to follow; i.e. a bad date might call you a slut or something. I’m obviously a fan of free-swinging tits but I wouldn’t want my advice to delude someone from how people react to that shit.
Since you cared to ask me, you might also care how they look and might want to consult a fat fashion blogger on tips for going braless.
I'm the poster who asked about liking girls under 300 lbs. It's not that 300 lbs is some magic number. It's about the look. Yea, I would worry about the things we could do together and health, but depending on her height, i generally see girls 300+ and for lack of a better phrase, my dick goes soft. I have nothing against those girls, they're just not for me. It was just a question about whether I'm considered One of You. And yea I've told people already.
Nothing wrong with that. But it would be nice if you identify as an FA for political purposes and stick your neck out to help make people aware of beauty at all sizes, even the ones that make your dick go soft personally. Merely vocalizing your love of 150-299 lb. women will help blow minds in the right direction.
This magic weight number of 300lbs is driving me nuts! I know so many lovely ladies that weigh more than that yet people are oblivious to it. The poundage doesn't matter, does it? If you find a girl sexy/hot/gorgeous whatever even if shes say a size 12 or a size 30+ aka (175lbs or 300+lbs) why do the numbers matter? Just sayin' a fine lady is fine...a number shouldn't change that.
I think the magic number 300 is where the idea of preference as lifestyle conflict comes in. Worrying about what the folks think, if you’re enabling your sweetie to be ignorant of their health, and if you’d be able to do the same things together unhindered by your partner’s size.
It’s reasonable to worry about but for obvious reasons people tend to be very crass and inarticulate when they broach the subject to discuss with loved ones, which is also an easy way to offend them. And mostly being in the closet, FAs don’t have a ton of sympathetic friends to vent these Major Concerns with.
So I think people mostly create a mental ceiling of a size they can “handle” and inevitably this creates a rift between the people who can only deal with girls under “300 lbs” and the even more pathetic guys who boast to only date girls over “300 lbs”. Since every fat girl’s different at any given weight healthwise, lookswise and lifestylewise, it’s a useless binary. Date the girls you like (“like” also means being on the same wavelength) and don’t date the ones you don’t.
I see girls posting here asking if FAs will be attracted to them because they weigh less than 300 lbs. I also see FAs claiming that anything under 300 lbs is too thin for them. I find myself attracted to girls who are curvy, thick, chubby and fat but I'm not attracted to skinny girls or girls 300 lbs+. Am I still considered an FA?
Being an FA is sort of split between self-identification (anyone can be an FA if they say they are, it’s people’s right to determine others’ sexuality) and The Obvious (just like a guy who fucks only guys denying he’s gay, a guy fucks only fat girls has something to prove if he’s not an FA). My qualifier is if you’re specifically attracted girls who jiggle where their boobs and butt aren’t, regardless of how big or how many, that’s more than enough evidence that you’re One of Us. You sound like an FA to me. Let people know.
People who encourage the “you’re not a real FA if you don’t _______” game are gross.
I feel like you swooped by something big by not paying better attention to the woman who talked about being a virgin. That word is HUGELY loaded. It's hard to shake the ringing of it in your ears when you are sensitive to it, esp when people use it constantly as short hand for loser: "a virgin who lives in his mother's basement"…"40yo virgin… It's a big deal to never have kissed anybody in this sexualized world. And yet of course it's not-fuck em-but this isn't as simple as identity politics.
I know what you mean but she’s not under any obligation to tell her partners that she’s a virgin., especially if she’s sensitive to the reaction. Problem solved. Obviously if you lose it to a long-term partner it’s probably good to be honest but in no way is being a virgin a badge that you have to wear upfront, particularly during the stage that you’re trying to woo someone. She’d be making it about identity politics if she was blurting it out upfront and blocking her own (possible) cock.
There’s also a market turning up for more religious-looking stuff like virgin dating sites but she has pretty much two courses of action: 1. wear it like a badge in personal ads hoping someone will get the info upfront and not be deterred, or 2. pretend it’s not there and stop wearing it like a badge altogether. Or she can just date and tell at the right time, which is perfectly fine and normal but it didn’t seem like was working for her.
Hey there, I'm a bi BBW from Chicago interested in meeting someone preferably a BBW or BHM but I don't know any resources :( I joined a couple dating sites like match and ok Cupid and that really sucked. Thought I'd see if you knew any good ones? Thanks and <3 your blog.
I don't see how or why you'd lose followers/friends either, really, if you started dating a thin chick. Just because you're attracted to fat chicks doesn't mean you can't also be attracted to thin chicks, right? My bf's exes have varied, I'm obviously fat, but his recent ex was thin, some were a bit curvy ... they range. I don't think attraction should be limited to SOLELY fat or thin chicks/dudes/whatever.
Of course, but you’d be surprised how much identity credibility matters to some. Maybe I’m being jaded though; Kathleen Hanna and Corin Tucker are still widely respected by the riot grrrl/queercore cross-section despite both ending up in cis marriages.