OBESITY itself is NOT an illness, and does not have any ill effects. An unhealthy lifestyle does. You can be thin, fat, or anywhere in between to be unhealthy. Obesity CAN be a side effect of underlying health problems. But the point is, it is not for ANYONE to judge what anyone else does with their bodies. If someone wants to be unhealthy, that's their prerogative. LET THEM BE.
I know this—I assume you’re looking for Dr. Anonymous?
I notice you only post questions that are complimentary to you and your life style. All you do is say the same stuff over and over again. Why do you like to ignore the fact that obesity and obesity related illnesses are killing millions of Americans each year? Im not trashing your, or others, life choices but, how do you just ignore the implications?
By “life style” do you mean “dating a fat girl”? I don’t understand the question; this is a blog about sex and relationships. Why do you presume it’s my job or yours to dispense health advice? Did you take me for a doctor? I certainly didn’t mistake you for one.
Hi Dan, Kudos on the tumblr! I just wanted to respond to your response to the big guy who likes big women. I think it may be good to take another look at that post. Not all women who have been in FA for a while prefer thin men. I think there's a huge range and it totally varies. (See, e.g. my BF and Marilyn Wann's BF.) I'm just mentioning this because I feel like you did a bit of fat shaming of that dude who, like you, just wants to be with fat chicks!
Thanks Golda - but I definitely didn’t use the word “all” and there was certainly no fat shame intended so I’ll clarify.
My perspective on fat guy dating is limited to my observations, which are that most (say, more than half of the vocal ones) “community” fat women who express a defined preference prefer thinner guys, and most non-community women are more vocal about flexibility in body size of a mate. I’d love for there to be otherwise, and I’d love evidence that there aren’t fewer females who outwardly identify as Fat Admirers.
From where I’m standing, he should equally invest in online and real-life meeting, and my educated guess is that real-life meeting will strike oil first. This isn’t a bad thing; online dating has all kinds of shitty variables that meeting people in person avoids, like location.
1. I’m sick of not being able to reply in my comments (I also think the questions/comments area is butt-ugly) - Can anyone recommend a better Tumblr layout for this blog’s format? I’d like to adhere closely to this one with the graphic at the top if possible. Or better, anyone know how to hack it?
2. Anyone great at HTML or building websites want to volunteer to help with a totally separate thing? I probably can’t pay you. Leave your email/IM in my ask if you’re cool being my slave.
You rock. Now if you don't mind me using your blog as a platform. Ladies and gentlemen of the FA movement, belittling and resenting people who are not your body type will not make you feel better. Dudes who want to fuck hot fat chicks, stop telling them their thinner friends in their pictures look like emaciated holocaust victims. This is neither cute nor acceptable. We need to move towards SIZE acceptance, not shifting the hate to the other side. <3 a proud bbw
This is a billion percent true. And uh, stop telling the fat chicks themselves that they’re “not big enough”? Tip for dickheads: a simple “I’m not interested” both works and doesn’t give them a complex. That’s society’s job, not its outliers’.
I'm a big guy who likes big women. Would I be less likely to be rejected or seen as creepy if I approached a BBW? Is it easier for big guys to attract BBWs?
There are two kinds of big guy/big girl scenarios I’ve observed over the decade-plus that I’ve known about this stuff:
1. A lot of big girls who are not familiar with Fat Culture(TM) are likely to date big guys, who are less of a Probable Meanness Threat and share a pace of life, not to mention body type.
2. A lot of big girls who are familiar with Fat Culture prefer thinner men because they enjoy the sharp contrast between body types, and have maybe realized that it’s not absurd for them to prefer a conventionally ideal man.
In no way are these absolute, but they’re (unproven) stats worth observing. Statistically, your odds are better approaching a fat girl at a bar or social event. Online you should specify you’re looking for a big girl into big guys - there are plenty, by the way. It’s just not as…vocalized. Also good to keep in mind that women in general are less body-oriented about who they date. So while there aren’t as many dictionary-definition female FAs as male ones, there are tons more women who are open to dating a bigger guy without having an intrinsic sexual preference towards body type in a partner. My cousin’s been seeing a big guy for a bit and only recently realized she’d probably now consider his body type to be a preference.
And you’ll only be seen as creepy if you act creepy. Dress nicely but comfortably, smell good, approach women.
How does a skinny guy go about cuddling with a big girl - not at home in bed, that is easy. I mean, how does a skinny guy cuddle with a big girl in the movies, or on a couch? It just feels like there is a lot of ground to cover with one arm, or like the two of you are sort of approaching each other from awkward angles.
Have you given any thought to this, or is this something that is best left to action, and not thought?
P.S. Thanks again, man! You are my inspiration! My dating/personal life has never been better since you gave me the courage to "come out" about what I love, i.e. big women.
Action, not thought. Grab something soft and continue if she approves. Wriggle yourselves into a comfy position. The beauty of cuddling with a big girl is that you don’t have to cover all ground in one go. And thanks.
I am a big girl but im having difficulty finding a guy who is attracted to me inside & out ... ive had plenty of relationships & i love who i am but it seems that most of the guys i meet put me in that " she has a great personality " category so they dont look at me for more than just a friend... & the few i have met that acted interested only wanted sex & im looking for more then just sex - i want an relationship ... how do i go about finding the potential "one" ?
Forget about “the one” for now. Let’s stabilize your lovelife; you need 1. a relationship first with someone who’s interested in both 2. sex and 3. commitment. I’m not sure how you went about finding the plenty of relationships you had before, but if they involved personal ads at all, re-write yours to mention relationship/sex/commitment as a top priority. Maybe even with something funnyobnoxious as the kicker like “I don’t want to hear about my great personality.” But I can’t help you much more than that because I don’t know where you’re looking for guys in the first place or how you’re interacting with ones you meet. To me it sounds like you’re already on the right track and just need to sharpen your claws.
I know you came out when you were 18, but I'm a 20 year old thinking about coming out of the closet and I was wondering how you went about it. Where and when did you tell people? Who did you tell first? What fears did you have? What would you have done differently? Any advice?
I told a pretty mild guy who was one of my closest male friends at the time. I forget how it came up but it was casually blurted out. I think he said something along the lines of “Oh…that’s cool,” in awkward but trying-to-be-polite way. Do you have any friends like that? Maybe try the mild and less contentious/judgmental ones first to test the waters and build your confidence. I hope they’ll be supportive but who knows. The more people you tell, the easier it gets. And no, that’s not “easier” to tell people your embarrassing secret - “easier” to tell people something that sets you apart from them in a way (sexually) that society has historically made a bigger deal of than it actually is.
The important thing to know is that “coming out” is on a need-to-know basis - you’re not obligated to do it at all even. As long as you treat any girl you date like a real person and don’t hide her or let other friends treat her badly about her weight. But if it defines you in a way that you feel silenced in your ability to talk about girls you like and your sexuality with your peers, it’s best to get it out. Once you come out to someone, it feels weird but it feels great knowing you never have to tell them again. Of course, you’ll always meet new people and there will always be a new moment, but you get less anxious about it as you get older. I’ve been “out” for, christ, looks like 8 years now. My social life has only gotten better and better.
Coming out to parents is a little trickier. This is not something you have to do at all; I’m personally horrified at the thought of my parents knowing anything about my sexuality, but it became unavoidable just because all the people I’ve met and dated. Faced with an alternate choice of having to keep stories straight for years and years, I opted to blurt it out at some point and I’m glad I did. But again, you may live differently and the necessity of it may not apply to you. Remember it only ever needs to come up if they’re disparaging whoever you’re dating, either to the person’s face or privately to you. But if you want to tell a parent, pick the one who’s less likely to freak out, the one you’re closer to and possibly the one you talk to about girls (or boys). 20’s a good age to come out - in college I told everyone I met because I wanted to start in the new social environment As Myself, and hopefully get with some fat chicks.
I don’t think I would’ve done it differently; I’ve had no major repercussions I can remember, especially not compared to a lot of horror stories I’ve heard. I guess I wouldn’t have been as online-oriented and applied it to real life sooner; I’ve spent a lot of time arguing with pixelated nobodys on message boards and comments sections and those are just black holes that can become legitimate addictions. I’ve had to ask friends to change my password to lock me out of some forums before just to tear myself away from bullshit arguments.
And I guess the only fear I’ve had is that it would be “used against me.” But how? What would that even consist of - being set up with a fat girl blind date to humiliate me? Local fat girls being aware that I’m into them, god forbid? The older I get the stupider the notion ever seemed.
And one last thing to remember: being into fat girls doesn’t have to define you if you don’t want it to. Here are two phrases you might find useful in your coming-out process:
"Yes, really. Get used to it."
If you get any shit, turn it around on them. They’d be the ones with the problem, you’re just being you with the hand you were dealt. If they’re really your friends, they’ll adjust to it like you did. Don’t be afraid to make new ones.
I'm a fat chick, and my husband enjoys my body. However, I have to lose weight because of my health. I'm worried that my husband won't find me attractive once I lose some weight. Do you have any wisdom for me?
The only wisdom I can give you is to talk to your husband, and to achieve maximum honesty, be as nice and open as possible to each other—get the fears out. I don’t know your husband though; some people become less attracted and some don’t. It wouldn’t make him a bad person because attraction is not something you can control, so in the best worst case scenario, you guys don’t start resenting each other in however you decide to compromise. I guess my wisdom for you is be willing to compromise; if he needs your extra weight to get off, see what other attractions of his you can oblige. Maybe he has a schoolgirl thing too?
I know this is going to sound totally ridiculous, but I do have a question. I have worked on my self esteem as a super size big beautiful woman for a long time now, and have for the most part learned to love me. There is just one part of me I cannot like no matter how hard I try. My inner thighs. I have extra skin on both sides and it looks like I have a little butt there. it repulses me. Here is the kicker, I am a plus size model and know I don't lack in the looks dept, but holy shit that part of me is just irreconcilable. The question I have is what do you as a FA think of women that have those? Or better yet do you know any women that you can ask that way I don't feel so alone? I wouldn't normally go anon but people know me and I don't like to put my insecurities out to everyone. P.s. you are awesome!
not ridiculous in the least.
inner thighs. inner thighs are incredible. they are so fucking soft. fat forms in totally different and weird ways and one of the nice things i’ve always said about being an FA is that there is greater variety in the girls we like. some have thigh rolls. not everyone likes everything, but i can promise you those are not something i’ve ever heard anyone complain about. fat inner thigh rolls in my experience are awesome. honestly, it’s all soft. love it all.
Hey, question! As a newly-single bigger lady, I was wondering if you could share some of your reliably non-creepy FA dating websites?
guys, there’s creeps on every site. i know reiterating this doesn’t “help” you per se, but the sooner we stop looking for The Magic FA Pickup Spot and accept the douchey options society has offered us, the sooner we can train ourselves to work within those limitations and build up our social character to attract non-creeps. unless you know coding and a few web-savvy investors that is?
that’s my way of saying “i don’t know any”. but you can still meet non-creepy FAs.
I'm a fat girl myself, very confident with my body, and into fat guys.
But i've never so much received a look from ANY guys, even though i'm doing everything I should be.
How can I attract bigger guys or ANY guys?
well, obviously you’re not doing everything you should be. “haven’t received a look” - have you approached any yourself and asked them out? because that sounds like you’re waiting for dudes to come to you. fat dudes (or chicks) can be guarded about asking people out even when they’re similarly built, no? if you’re a known confident one, maybe you should lead.
the UsualShit has sections to meet bigger dudes, but other than that i guess you’d have to tell me more about what you have and haven’t already tried and where/how you’re trying it for me to give you more specific help.
Hi, short time reader, first time asker, throwing a query at you.
First of all, I'm a guy, to be more specific, I'm not a guy who shys away from the ruebenesque ladies.
While I do find myself more frequently staring at the fatter lady in the crowd, I am most definately a person attracted to all women rather than just the bbw's among us. The skinny and the fat are no different to me.
But what I really want to know is, is there a good way to reveal a love of the larger ladies to my friends and family.
I Have Been a massive coward on this front, and while ihave dated 3 larger ladies (I'm a player! Yeah!) one of them i dated on the sly, the other was just barely fat (More chubby) and the other was a long standing friend (so the relationship was dressed up as two old friends falling for one another) and I always portrayed my relationships (without out actually saying it, i let others spell it out) as love despite intial lack of physical attraction. How do I break my love to my family and peers? Is there a good way!
why do you need to tell your family about sexual preference? this is an interesting question because it’s almost the flipside of the usual dilemma: you’re eager to come out to your family. that’s cool. but why? when you have a fat girlfriend, treat her like any other and introduce her to your family and friends. let them ask the questions, right? or before she meets them, if you’re worried about how they’ll take it, tell them lovingly but firmly that the new lady you’ll be bringing around is a big girl and you’d like to make sure they’re not rude or inconsiderate about it. use your own words of course. but if you’re just single and looking i don’t see any reason to have more conversations than necessary about it. unless it’s usual for you already to have carnal chats with your folks? in which case do you need my help?