A genius friend of mine told me, "just because something effects you, doesn't mean it's about you." I said isn't everything about me? Half kidding, but we are certainly trained as women to read others and modify our behavior before asking others to modify theirs.
I wish I could find men like you where I live. But in my town thin is pretty. Doesn't matter what you look like as long and you are skinny >_> ugh one of the curses of living in the Santa Barbara/ Central coast (California) area haha. But I'm still hoping :)
Your town’s like any other: lots of people into thin partners, lots of people into fat partners, and lots of people in various stages of discovering they’re more the latter than the former, and figuring out how to go about satisfying that development in their taste in a society that pretends it doesn’t exist.
do you have a personal tumblr where we can send you sexy anon asks and maybe anonymously submit pics of our bellies to you?
I should’ve set one of these up ages ago probably before the Voice/Hairpin articles gave away my identity because now I can’t reap the goodies without compromising the integrity of the blog. That said, finding amateur fatty porn (on Tumblr no less) is probably the literal least of my worries.
Well hi I just wanted to thank you for your blog and stuff. As a fat girl it gets kinda hard to, yanno, LIVE in this society and being able to find a place that lets me know that I'm actually deserving of being loved and adored is pretty cool! So yeah, have a nice rest of the year and take care.
I hope everyone had a great holiday and was treated by family like a person who’s allowed to exist as they are!
What is the difference between "confidence" and a woman coming on too strong?
I don’t think it’s possible for a woman to come on too strong in the patriarchy. Hit on him until he says no. Be smart though, I mean, if he seems turned off, tone it down. If he seems interested but merely passive, be aggressive. Everyone’s different, you really have to read their own cues. I’d say you should never back down based on your own second-guessing though. Unreadable guys are the worst; force him to let you know where you stand and don’t be afraid of rejection. Then find another dude to proactively pursue.
I'm on the track and field team for my university, which means I'm always surrounded by teammates with the ideal, athletic body type. At times, I become disheartened and self-conscious because I don't look like them. Last night, I found your blog, and I just wanted to say how grateful I am. I woke up this morning with renewed self confidence and the knowledge that I'm not alone, even though it feels like it sometimes. So, thanks :)
Hey, thanks for continuing to prove that athletes come in all sizes.
Love him or hate him, Macklemore is the breakout star of 2013 thus far, with no small help from a pro-gay marriage song called “Same Love,” which is so much better than “Thrift Shop,” not least for its gorgeously-sung contributions of Seattle poet/singer-songwriter Mary Lambert, who is…
Oh the initial tampon question, there was no anger involved, no one saw red. We just had a talk about intimacy and decided we wanted a relationship that close. You seemed like a bit of a wise guy though so I thought I would see if someone thought to be that close to someone might be a little unhealthy.
It doesn’t seem harmful? But like I said, you clearly have some doubts about it if you feel it needs my attention.
She doesn't *need* help changing tampons, it was just an example. She enjoys the closeness and finds it loving and caring that I accept and adore everything about her to that level and that it doesn't weird me out :)
So why do you feel compelled to ask what I think? I admit, I would really like to know how the initial conversation went. “No, allow me!”
I just started reading up on you. Thanks for being so open and honest about your love for fat girls. Out of curiosity are you still with your long distance gf? Have you two closed the gap or are you single?
.. He always talks about how he felt bad about it before, that something physical could affect his feelings for someone, but now he realizes that it's just natural and human. So yes, I think it is very much akin to sexual orientation. Love your blog!
Yeah, people who don’t experience it yet demand that it’s “not the same thing” really wouldn’t know.
On the "preference" for fat girls being considered equal to sexual orientation: I totally think it is. My boyfriend has explained it to me exactly that way; no matter how hard he tries, he cannot physically be attracted to thin-average women. Cont..
So, I saw this TED talk about being in the closet, all kinds of closets, and I thought that you might like it. Ironically, this ask is anonymous because I have a kinky incest fantasy blog and didn't want to out myself to your lovely readers. Cheers. Can't post a link. goddamn. It's Ash Beckham.
I shave my girlfriend, clean her, whether my cock is soft or hard it is always in her if we are fucking or cuddling, I even help her change tampons... we are pretty close lol :) Do you think such levels of intimacy is unhealthy?
It’s hard for me to imagine why a ridiculously advanced level of intimacy could be unhealthy, though is it rude to ask why she needs help changing tampons?
The fact you don’t hesitate to do or mention all this stuff and then ask me the question the readers would probably be thinking makes me think you’re trolling though.
I'm in Southern Jersey, and I am having zero luck finding any bigger girls to flirt with, let alone get close to or even date. How can I? It seems everyone at my Uni is a twig!
As a fellow South Jerseyan who has had the complete opposite of this experience you’re clearly doing something wrong. Come buy me Chinese food and we will discuss how to turn around your poor chubby-chasing streak.
i had a dream where i was in NJ at my aunts house, but she kicked me out for eating all her food and drinking her fancy wine. since i didn't know anyone else in NJ, i was going to have to spend the night on a park bench. but then i thought 'oh i know, i'll text that guy who runs the fat chicks tumblr and sleep with him,' which now sounds like a desperate plan to exchange sex for shelter, but in the dream i was really into it. you texted back 'ok, i'll come pick you up' but then i woke up. :(
It had to have been a dream because what the fuck would I pick you up in? I’ve never owned a car; I can’t even ride a bike.
I'm the chick from 6/24/2013 who was a virgin and afraid all guys would use her. I can gladly say now, after being encouraged to join okcupid, I met my current bf and we've been together for 2 months, but have been involved since July.I lost my virginity to my bf, and I am falling in love with him as time goes by. He is wonderful, kind, handsome (not in a traditional way), smart, and all mine. How good it feels to be liked, wanted, adored. I'm just glad I'm finally able to say that I am happy.
(Continued) I am a size 22/24 with weight that fluctuates between 275-330, averaging around 290 (5'8"). I do not only date men who only date big women. Perhaps it's because I'm mostly around educated men who aren't insecure, I don't know. All I am saying to your readers is: If you are comfortable with you, you will be surprised that the man who formerly dated a tiny girl will be just as happy with you. Thank you again for all you are doing, again. I love your tumblr. :)
I don’t mean at all to present the idea that women over a certain weight need to find guys with a specific attraction to that fatness, even though I’ve been known to refer to it as “dealbreaker fat.” I think everyone should find and be aware of every opportunity possible to meet partners, and when you’re fat, that includes dipping a toe both into communities for fat-specific attraction as well as, theoretically, places where people are open to all body types. I think everyone will find something different works best for them. But I come from a mostly-unheard point of view—the thin-identified guy who someone would not “expect” to be into fat girls without knowing me—so that’s the perspective I’m mostly coming from. It’s the rare straight/white/male/thin POV that doesn’t have much of a public voice, an irony not lost on me. Lots of fat people end up with great guys who love “them for them” or who’d never considered a fat partner before meeting them. That said, I think everyone should be crazy for their partner’s body, whether it’s typical or unusual for them.
First of all, I want to say thank you for being so open about your preference and for giving young fat women and girls a place to go to see that they are not monsters or ugly or unacceptable. If I'd had that growing up, it would have meant so much. I want to offer a new perspective, though. When I read this blog, I get the message that you have to date a man who really digs big girls only, b/c that's all that's out there. I know you know that's not true, but the readership may not. (Continued)
My boyfriend is supposed to convince me that I'm beautiful but I never liked myself. Every time he asks someone they say yes. He's 230lbs so it could be the reason why. But I'm going to ask you. Even though I'm ugly as shit and I'm 104lbs. Am I beautiful? Rate me. Please I'm tired of lies.
Hi, you should maybe read the rest of my blog. I don’t “rate” people. Everyone is beautiful and no one is ugly. Everyone deserves love and to be appreciated inside and out. And no one deserves a partner who thinks they’re only just saying that because they’re “230 lbs,” though I’m not entirely sure I’m reading that part correctly.
Anyway, self-love is actually your job. Me and your boyfriend and ten thousand other people saying you’re beautiful are all gonna sound like “lies” to you until you’re able to love and accept yourself.
I was re-reading your blog and I guess I could put myself in the category of an in-betweener, but I do like guys bigger than me. I always have, always will. Yet it's hard to find someone and that bums me out a lot. But what I was getting at is your advice really helped out a lot, and if there are any guys out there who like the in betweeners, give me a shout!
It would actually be nice if some of you guys spoke up and shed some light on where you look for in-between/chubby girls.
You can't really compare being attracted to fat people in the same spectrum as being queer or asexual. There's also still a debate as to whether asexuals fall under the queer umbrella. However, the reason the LGBTQ community include them is because it's a non hetero-normative sexuality where as digging fat people is more of a preference. Gay fat lovers are of course part of the LGBTQ movement already. But comparing this to asexuality it like comparing apples to oranges.
These sexualities are real, their categorizations are abstract. Far as I’m concerned you’re either telling people they can do something or they can’t.
EDIT: yaaaaaaaas, yup, I gave that “digging” word choice the serious side-eye. And I’d love to start an inadvisable fight about what constitutes a “preference” versus an “orientation.”
I love the idea of NCOD! I have had plenty of secret sex with slim guys who don't want to admit that some of the best sex of their life has been with a fat lady. Get over yourself, because I'm ashamed I was attracted to & fucked such an asshole!
Fuck those pieces of shit. For the record, National Coming Out Day really does have nothing to do with us. It’s a very significant holiday for the LGBTQ community and some seem to take genuine offense that I take that day to share my own community’s problems with “coming out” sexually.
But seeing that many LGBT folks accept asexuality under the queer umbrella, I have my skepticism about the idea of picking and choosing what orientations are considered acceptable for Coming Out Day, and I find the “get your own day” types particularly unable to comprehend why that’s unrealistic and offensive.
Hello! I was having a strange day yesterday--at Disneyland, a family in line in front of my friend and I tried to get us to chime in when they were making fun of a fat woman in a little mermaid costume. I found it strange because I myself am a large woman, and would never think that anyone would be so ignorant as to include me. They were so unkind about her, it really upset me. Anyway, almost ten minutes later, - friend sent me a link to your blog and smiles for miles! -Rosey :)
I hope you told them they were rude and pointed out that you’re fat yourself and in no way sympathetic to that bullshit. If not, maybe you’ll get a chance to help someone in a similar situation someday. People are fucking dumb.
Its hard being in highschool in a very close-minded town. I dont have any friends letalone males swooning over me. I dont know what to do. I have been through so much shit and the only love I get is from horny guys on tumblr. And im tired of it. Is there anyway you can help?
Horny guys won’t go away, sadly. Change your Tumblr settings so anons can’t comment, which should eliminate a big chunk of the grosser ones. Brave the horrors of high school the same way you’re already doing, the knowledge that you’re free to travel anywhere afterward. Look at colleges in very liberal, open-minded areas. Boston and NYC have regular fat dances and events, though I can’t imagine choosing a college based on the proximity to those. (Not that it’s not something to consider!)
"With respect to the LGBTQ community, that is not a goal incongruent with Coming Out Day". It doesn't matter how similar to or different your goals are from that of National Coming Out Day, because NCOD is about the LGBT community, not about fat acceptance. Fat Acceptance and FAs letting the world know their preference for fat people is not an LGBT issue, and it's not right to hijack that day as if it where. Fat Acceptance is awesome, making National Coming Out Day about you isn't.
As you can see, your day prevailed and accomplished the same goals as it does every year. I did not succeed in making it about me. Rats.
I seem to have trouble meeting guys in my own age bracket. Every guy that expresses interest in me is either too young (under 21) or too old (over 38)...when I've gone to fat friendly events, most of the men seem to be older as well. Where are all the mid to late twentysomething FAs? And why do older FAs think it's acceptable to hit on girls half their age?
What’s wrong with hitting on girls half your age? As long as you’re not being rude, you should hit on anyone that you’re attracted to.
I’m 28 and I’ve been to many fat-friendly events, all rife with plenty of dudes in their mid-20s. If those aren’t the dudes approaching you, you might have to swallow hard and start walking up to your type of guys yourself. You’ve got nothing to lose.
May I ask why you declined the two chicks who offered to gain for you? What was your training behind it? ...just curious because I was in the opposite side of that situation. I was willing to gain weight for the dude.
There are people who can bring themselves to completely change someone’s life over a fetish and not feel responsible, and then there are those of us (even many who are in awe and turned on by those bold ones from the sidelines) who can recognize that willingness doesn’t necessarily equal happiness, or think we could reciprocate for that person in the long term to make it worth it for them. I knew I was not the person for either, although as you’d imagine from what they were willing to give, they were sexually amazing.
There is so much discussion about men loving bigger women, and then ofcourse there are the men who like smaller women. But what about all of the women who fall in between? Larger than what the men into smaller women want, but not big enough for the men who like big women.
As I said in one of the last posts, the in-betweeners don’t shout it from the rooftops like we do, because moderates don’t tend to be narrow-minded assholes like the thinspiration crowd, or have a political motivation to be an organized, self-protecting group like fat culture. So they exist but have no need to form a club. Ask for a guy into voluptuous/chubby/thick/medium-sized girls in your dating profile and I’m sure you’ll catch a few on a one-on-one basis.
So I'm just your average BBW. Kinda geeky and weird but I'm comfortable with that so it's all good :) but here's the deal... I have been going to BBW bashes in my area and I'm having lots of fun but the only guys hitting on me are either total creeps or twice my age and I'm not into either? Am I doing something wrong?
Unfortunately, it sounds like you’re doing the same thing everyone else is doing.
Do you feel it's wrong If a big girl is not attracted to big men?
No, of course not. No one’s preference is wrong. Men could definitely stand to be more open-minded about physical preference in dating, but most women are already far more easygoing about it. Could it be that women don’t feel the need to live up to the patriarchy’s stupid expectations for who they should date?
Anyway there’s a huge amount of fat girls and smaller guys who love the contrast. I’m not just a client, I’m also the president. (There are also many fat girls who prefer someone big themselves, or a wide range of body types in a partner.)
please will one of you bbw-lovin dudes out there with good hand-eye coordination finally set up shop as professional fat pussy shavers. please. maybe it can be in exchange for sexual favors. yah i'm not sure if that's a very legal business model, but all i know is i'm sick of taking my razor and blindly swiping away down there. it's fucking annoying. just thought i'd ask.
Weirdly, I’ve never done this. When my 300+ lb. belly-heavy ex shaved I thought she was a wizard.
It seems like most of the men who are attracted to fat girls are only attracted to fat girls, and the rest of the male population is attracted to slimmer woman. My problem is that I am in the process of losing weight, I've lost 60 so far and I'm going to keep going until I'm as healthy as I can be. But I feel like if I try to find a guy now, when I lose the weight he won't be attracted to me anymore and then I'll be left broken. But I'm not thin enough yet for someone else? Any advice?
"In-between" girls—medium-sized, chubby, thick, whatever—write me about this all the time. You’re only half-right; people are loudest about the extremes. Society on one hand is all thin this, and my protective subculture is all fat that. But we’re just louder because we’re extremes. Moderates and people into moderate figures are, as you’d imagine, quieter. They don’t have much of a congregation. The photo-stealing creeps of the Curvage site celebrate the in-between but mostly with an emphasis on gaining. On Craigslist you can place ads looking for a workout buddy, or if you can enjoy just getting laid or dating short-term, you might as well do your thing without telling the FA guys you’re planning to slim down, as it’s deeply none of their business anyway.
Long-term if you’re planning to be thin, you might as well prepare yourself for the long haul and not expect a guy with a specific body type preference (and on the internet they are legion) to stick around. Maybe as you slim down it’s time to start looking for guys in non-online arenas, like speed dating or clubs or yoga. But that said, aren’t there a billion guys online who’d love to find someone who successfully loses weight?
Also if you’re not expecting to ever be small, you can always advertise for someone looking for a thick or in-between girl and see how it goes. I bet lots of guys will answer your ad, they’re just not the type to start a website or blog about it.
I'm 17. I've always liked bigger girls, but when I try to start a conversation with them they never believe I'm interested. What do I do?
It seems like the obvious gap here is maybe you’ll need to have more than one conversation with them—maybe even four or five, or oh no, 35 conversations!—before they start to get the notion you’re genuinely interested in them, and not suspicious you’re trying to use them or settle for them. Make friends with fat girls first, as many in society are rightfully suspicious of dudes’ intentions. And then when it’s time to make a move, reward their trust and don’t fuck them over.
I signed up for tumblr because I was constantly checking your page for new questions and wanted to get a notification somehow. Now you hardly ever update your page :( but its ok cuz tumblr rocks and I'm an addict now. I blame you ;)
I’m a bum. But I’ma try to get to more of these. Refusing to take the heat for your sick Tumblr addiction though.
Thank you and your followers for making me feel so much better. I see a councilor on a weekly basis because believe me when I say iv had one hell of a life up tell now. When I tell people my story so many find it hard to believe that one person could go through so much. I'm a fighter and I'll never stop even when I feel like giving up. One day I will love myself and will stand tall being proud of my body, because we all deserve that!
I’m truly sorry for the hell you lived before but it’s great that you know the worst is over. Sounds to me like you already truly love yourself for getting through it alive and never giving up, no?
I'm not sure this is exactly your area, but you may shed some light. Dabbling in casual sex (CL, AFF, etc) I've been pretty honest about trying to find a FWB .I don't want dates, I don't require calls or texts but pizza, Netflix and semi-reg sex would be fun. Every dude has lied elaborately in order to land a "one and done" thing, never to respond again. I'm missing red flags, got any tips? Are they jaded by clingy women? In the closet? All that and more?
They’re probably closet, although lots of guys feel uncomfortable being open about wanting to be a slut, and feel the need to lie anyway even if they’re single. Fucking patriarchy.
You’re many a manchild’s (especially FAs’) dream, provided they don’t fuck it up, and possibly even some good, slutty men’s too. Put everything you just told me in your Craigslist ad (also don’t underestimate OKCupid for casual sex!—as a chick I mean): you want pizza, Netflix and fucking.
Now underline in there three times-beginning, middle and end—that you don’t want to be lied to. Say to not bother at all if you’re a disappearer, and that you only want replies from people who want something ongoing. Honestly, I hate to put it this way, but you might want to consider not fucking the first time you meet someone just as a screening process to see if they have the patience or will ask to see you again. I know plenty of guys will disappear anyway after making the effort to fuck you, but it at least creates and obstacle that should help weed out the ones to whom you’d mean truly nothing. Lastly, develop a good bullshit detector. Be polite, not judgmental in tone, but feel free to lob dudes curveballs at random, about when did they last get laid and how did they end it with their last fuckbuddy? Normalize the word fuckbuddy in your conversation with them so they understand they don’t haveto hit it and quit, they can booty call you anytime without dating you or feeling guilty. And just because you’re not trying to date them doesn’t mean you have to put up with closet dudes. Look for the usual signs. See if they’ll meet you in public for the first time for pizza or something, maybe nearby your place. Even if you decide not to wait in order to screen them, you can get a feel for how they act in public and if they seem like they’re self-conscious or ready to get something over with. And if they’re not, have them walk back with you.