getoutofthenight asked: Hey.



Anonymous asked: I think these confessions are kind of weird, but I feel like giving my own. I'm 5'2 and about 240lb, I wear it like 180lb, but that's not comforting. I have an odd shape. My friend who is bigger than me wears a bikini and she looks gorgeous. I put on the same bikini in my size and just looked awful. You like bigger girls, but I feel like physically you'd prefer my friend to me. She wears her weight beautifully, and I just look kind of lumpy.

I’m really sick of being reduced to the public perception of my physical preference. There’s a huge range of things I find attractive mentally and physically in partners. There’s more than one kind of beauty. You don’t have to look like your friend to be attractive, and plenty of people might not find her attractive at all. Most of the girls I know who think they look “lumpy” or unattractive are fucking hot, and it doesn’t matter what I think anyway. I’m happy to help, but you shouldn’t base your self-worth on what others find attractive.


biijacz asked: Idk why but you seem like an awesome person. Have a good day

thx idk why either


Anonymous asked: what's your favorite stephin merritt song to have sex to?

"Underwear" or "I Thought You Were My Boyfriend." Minor-key Merritt is hard to come by but easy to come to.


Anonymous asked: are there videos of you singing or you and your band playing anywhere on youtube?



Anonymous asked: It's not true that there are no data on fat admirers other than their porn preferences. I can't include links in this, but google "Big beautiful women: the body size preferences of male fat admirers." I’m not the person who messaged you before, but you continue to not seem to recognize how your original article and your latest response to it are silencing women’s perspectives. You are trying to tell us we are not “right”: we should just see it your way and join your bandwagon. *Yawn*

This study asked for self-identified FAs’ body size preferences, it has no info on how many FAs there are in the world, unless you count the tally of 47 who participated. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic that you linked me to this/didn’t know it existed/glad it does. Thank you.)

A woman who disagreed with my Deadspin piece wrote a dissenting response that I published through this blog. Could you give an example of what I’m not recognizing?

Not wanting to see it “my way” = not wanting to believe you can find people who prefer fat partners. There’s been a mistake if you think otherwise, possibly on my end.

"should i write about fat fetishes" flowchart:

do you think a behavior is inherent to preferring fat bodies and not a reaction to societal stigma
→ if yes: do not write about “fat fetishes”
→ if no:

do you think a preference for fat bodies should be referred to as a fetish
→ if yes: do not write about “fat fetishes”
→ if no:

do you think “fetish” means “nonconsensual objectification”
→ if yes: do not write about “fat fetishes”
→ if no: you’re good to go, too bad you don’t exist

bonus round:

do you think using the term “fat” is more offensive than saying “overweight”

→ if yes: do not use a computer


I’m fat. People constantly say, “don’t wear tight clothes, it’s not flattering at all.” 

I’m fat. I am fat in all of the clothes I wear. I can try and “hide” my body, but it’s still there. You can still clearly see that I. Am. Fat. 

I shouldn’t have to modify my clothing habits so that other people don’t have to see that I am fat. This is my body, I’m proud of it, and if you don’t want to see my fat, don’t look.

(via sassy-brain)


Anonymous asked: Can you post a pic of you?

They’re easy to find.


Anonymous asked: How can you find out about bashes? I'm from NJ and I heard there's one here but I don't know anything about how to find out about it? I'd love to look into going and coming into the community

NJ has a significantly higher number of events and people involved in the fat community than many other places, so that’s a good start.